I am, just a Mother after all. Occasionally we Mothers make innocent mistakes and yesterday proved that undeniable fact.

Now, before I admit this stumble in judgement, let me just say—I rarely watch television. I also don’t go to movies and therefore, don’t watch previews. Because of this lack of interest, I usually don’t read or pay attention to reviews of movies either. Lastly, NO, I have never embraced my inner geek and read comic strips, books, or graphic anything. All clear on that?? Basically, this falls under the ignorance was bliss catagory~

My 13 year old daughter, (although, she’s saying “Fourteen Mom!”  since she turns that magical number next Monday), mentioned she would like to see the movie Watchmen. I asked her, “what’s it about sweetie?” to which she replied, “I don’t know, it’s one of those comic book turned superhero movies.” Images of Spiderman, Batman and Superman danced across my mind…..so why not Watchmen? I made the call to let my parents know their granddaughter would love to go see the movie Watchmen. The three of them are movie buddies and go often enough to get free this and free that from using their Regal Entertainment cards, so this wasn’t exactly an unusual request in the family dynamics.

Yesterday afternoon I got a call from my Dad. “I was just looking at the times for the movie. Did you know this movie is R-rated and it says ID required?” I immediately asked my 17 year what was up with the R-rating and Shelby said, “Oh don’t worry about it, if Kaitlyn is with an adult she can get right in.” Great! Problem solved. No fake ID needed.

And now, today, I realize not one of us asked the most basic of questions. WHY is it R-rated….Superman, Spiderman, WatchmAn?….Mother stumble…Fast Forward 6 hours.

The phone call I shall never forget.

My Mother, calling me. As much as I’d like to dialogue the entire conversation I won’t even try. My rock solid and normally calm Mother, who NEVER says bad words or cusses, (ever) was on a rip rolling rant. I’m pretty sure I didn’t say much other then, “OH” and “OHHHH sorry!” but the highlights of this one sided conversation are just too good to lay to rest. The most important heart stopping moments of my Mothers rant are as follows……..

•  
  • Naked through the whole damn movie
  • Grandparents (good god grandparents!!) taking a 14 year old into a movie like that!
  • What those other people in that theater must have been thinking of us!
  • Dick swinging here. Swinging dick there (All I could think was, oh my god, my Mother said, dick)
  • Semi-erect and hard ons
  • Almost human but no doubts what IT was
  • I will never, ever, trust you and your Father to pick a movie again
  • 3 long painful hours of Porno
  • long dongs and asses ( I’m fairly certain hell hath frozen over now)
  • Grandparents! Child! Mortified!

 Now, I’m sure some people are wondering here why they didn’t just get up and leave. So, to answer that question one would need to fully understand my Father. He is the man that does not waste a penny, extraordinary circumstances be damned. A notorious penny pincher who will cling to his monetary investments to the bitter end. When it comes to movies, there is only one retreat on record. An infamous and historical moment when he thought he was taking his young children and sweet wife to the drive in movie theater to see Flash Gorden. Quality Family Time.

However, as evidenced by the rocket ship in the first scene that was shaped like a penis, it was actually Flesh Gorden. An interesting porno twist on his beloved action hero. Truth be told, he didn’t want to abandon that ship either. He paid good money! But my brother and I wanted to see what all the panic and hoopla in the front seat was about because, well… parental panic makes things tempting and exciting. We became difficult kiddoes who refused to lay down and go to sleep.  

It wasn’t an instant retreat and surrender. My Dad put in a good effort to save his investment by trying to corral and push our heads below the car seats and out of sight of the movie. But,  if he got one of our heads pushed down, the other kid would pop up just out of reach. It was like a game of Whack ‘Em with our little mole heads popping up here and there. Jolly good fun for my brother and I if you think about it. Our first porno flick with a side of carnival games! He gave up eventually, replaced his speaker phone on the pole and drove away, a man ripped off from his money. Father Dan does not like to waste his money under any circumstance……..

So, currently both my Father and I are lacking one side of our asses, and we both get a black mark for not investigating the movie and it’s R-rating thoroughly. Now that my Mother has access to this website I figure I’m taking my life into my own hands by writing this. So, my darling Mother, I’m really hoping you’ll see the after the fact humor in all this…..now……(smile!)  

By the Way, under the guise of damage control and to guesstimate possible permanent damage, I asked Kaitlyn what she thought of the movie. She said, “It was a nice idea and (long pause) interesting.”