Several people have been surprised by my requests (I say groveling) for topic material as I set out to climb Mount Blogger for 30 days. I thought I’d explain that today, because, I’ve sensed confusion and it’s a topic! it’s an entry! it’s day 6 of 30!

Here’s the thing and be prepared for crazy writer talk now….OK, subconsciously prepared for that? All righty then, on this site, we, that’s me as well, are dealing with ‘Rebecca, the writer’…..

When I decided to embark on this endeavor I didn’t exactly consult with Rebecca, the writer. I just assumed she’d enjoy the opportunity to write to her hearts content on a daily basis. She has been in charge of our blogging experience for 5 years now and I boldly decided it was time for her to wrap a pretty bow of predictability around her efforts, daily. I see now, that was placing ambition ahead of permission and it was a brazen assumption of my ability to direct all the aspects that are me, myself and I.

Flash Back~ The first morning of my 30 day challenge: We, all that is Rebecca, sat down at the computer, hands poised over the keyboard and encouraged, “Do your thing, Rebecca who writes”

Nothing. Not a word. Blinking cursor, general panic.

To explain the battle that came next, only an imaginary visual will do. Picture a lady, arms crossed over her chest, leaning against the wall five feet from the computer. We shall call her, Rebecca the writer. Then picture another lady, we shall call her, overall Rebecca, sitting at her computer, hands hovering unsure over the keyboard, eye’s rounded, pleading in the direction of Rebecca the writer, waiting for instruction.

Silent. Painful. Impasse.

Conversation ensued to the tune of ”Please, give me something, anything”…..”What, am I some circus animal that does tricks on command. Am I a dog, sit, stay, fetch?”  ……” No! Of course not, but this is your thing, writing is your passion, this is your blog.” ……..”I don’t write because I have to, I write when I want to, how I want to and if I want to. You didn’t see me raising my hand for some 30 day adventure in writing. I’d’ call that a misstep in judgement considering I’m the one who writes!” …….“Look, I understand that and have always let you do things your way, but just this once, I’d like for you and I to work together with a general goal.” ………”NO, that’s not how it works”…….”what works?” ……….“I work. The creative process dictates when I’m inspired to write about something. It says when a topic has settled around my thoughts and the words are demanding release, THEN I write. Since when have I wrote anything because I  should or have too?” …..”Well, that’s sorta the point of this exercise in daily writing, you haven’t been exactly disciplined or reliable in the writing department.” ….(visual moment) Two handed Double Middle Finger, F*ck off, Flip Off……”Ouch!, Jezus, I know you can be temperamental, and fickle and lets not forget stubborn and impossibly hard to please, but your cooperation is vital now, so please,enough of your creative flow and writer mentality mumbo jumbo, I need you! “…….silence…….”Fine, be that way, I’ll figure out how to get around your tantrum, just you watch”…………….silent wicked double dare smile…….

So, that’s why I needed topics and questions, just in case she who likes to dominate 70% of my mind space, pulls a writer strike and refuses to participate out of spite. I know, I know, crazy-ish talk, but that’s how it goes down in my mind. Negotiations, nice conversations, brawls, congrats, pleasant ruminating and vicious cat fights. Feel the love, feel the love.

Here’s the good news, and she who writes is feeling pissy that I’m going to write this passage. Despite the internal battle that has been going down, when it comes down to the words that do end up on this page I can’t say who is captain of the ship everyday. Usually it is that Rebecca writer. But sometimes when I’m feeling abandoned by her and start plunking words down at random, that lady against the wall walks over, puts her hand on my shoulder and whispers “Good Hell. Writing is so not your talent, I’d write it this way”……and I thank her.