On twitter a few nights ago, my fear of swimming pools and hot tub drains came spewing forth in 140 characters before I logically weighed the tease factor such an admission would provoke.
Occasionally, I’ve expressed a few fear factors via this blog, and as witty readers who comment can be, many of you have seized the opportunity to tease me in good fun. ( I don’t mind!) Sometimes people even take it to their own blogs!! For example yesterday ~ Indigo mentioned one of my fears, although, she’s fessing up her own creep factor of porcelain dolls, so at least I get some satisfaction outta that.
Today I thought I would take stock, put my neck on the teasing block (feel the trust!) and confess all the ways someone can send me to the loony bin.
Hot Tub and Pool Drains~ This is one of my few legitimate fear factors. It’s also the reason I can infamously claim one of the biggest hickeys known on the planet. I, Rebecca Anne, had my back vacumn sealed to a hot tub drain where I spent hours (ok, it was probably 10-20 minutes while my arms were nearly yanked out of the socket trying to break the seal) in pure pain, helplessly begging for mercy. Come now, you’ve read or heard the stories on the news right? Poor innocent soul swimming around and suddenly finds themselves pinned to a drain by an unseen super force vacuum? I was lucky. My head was above the water. The result was a HUGE perfect square, black and blue hickey where all the blood had been sucked to the surface of my back. My fear in demon vacumn drains is justified.
Drowning~ This is a conflict of interest considering I love to fly-fish. I get past it, to some degree, but after a few near drowning incidents, I have a strict rule these days. I do NOT wade above my knees. I’ll take any other death, just not this one.
People eating cereal next to me~ I can’t stand it. I can’t take it. It makes my skin do the wave and my eyes roll with freak out. My family knows cereal eating is a private matter and not to share the noise near me. It’s a hundred times worse then fingernails on a chalkboard.
Dentists~ I know. This one is typical. All visits must be carefully thought out and pre-medicated. But, for the record, if a tooth goes traitor on me, my fear is a healthy dose of I don’t care how much pain I’m in, I can take it, I’m NOT going. Then, when the pain crosses the point of no return. When I can no longer speak, think, blink, sleep, walk across the room……….then I’ll go to the dentist, but only heavily sedated starting hours before I arrive for the medieval torture session. It’s a bit irrational, but by god, I’m rock solid in my convictions.
Vomiting~ This goes both directions. If I am feeling nauseous, I’ll walk, I’ll curl up in a ball, I’ll deny the obvious solution and refuse to go 15 feet near a bathroom. I will torture my body for hours by sheer will power denying the natural process of evacuation. On the flip side, I am not the friend to hold your hair while you upchuck a nights worth of Vodka. I am not the Mommy who rubs her daughters back while she is miserably praying to the toilet gods. No, I am the wimp that runs the other way yelling, “Love Ya! You’re on your own!” over my shoulder.
Animal eyes glowing red/green/yellow, especially in the dark~ My chest tightens and my breathing stops when I see a simple bad photo of a pet with glowing eyes. It’s evil, thats all I can say. But the best lesson I’ve learned is never, ever, shine a flashlight from a campfire out into the black abyss of the forest. Accidentally shine your flashlight on some random Forrest animal when all you can see is glowing devil eyes and all camping bets are off. I’m sleeping in the truck.
And finally yes, the creme de le creme, Worms~ There has never been a logical reason for my PURE PHOBIA about worms (ehh, my skin is crawling now) It is what it is. I can not stand them, accept them, stomach sharing the same planet with them. They make me run. They make me scream out in violent profanity. They give me nightmares. They who are supposedly harmless and good for dirt and plants can fuck off and die as far as I’m concerned. Those who know me in person have seen the full effects of my mental breakdowns when I’ve faced a worm. The few people who have tested the ‘oh this will be funny’, theory have barely lived to tell another person, “Ya, you know Rebecca, seriously dude, don’t throw a worm at her, you will require medical attention after she’s done with you, I did”
My daughter Kaitlyn owes me a lifetime of worm protection servitude because of a few incidents she tried when she was younger and without full understanding of the consequences of her worm pranks. The worst being, after a rain she gathered up about a 100 worms and put them all in a mixing bowl. She brought them into my bedroom with the bowl above her head and said, “I’ve got a present for you!” She put the bowl right in front of me, on my bed, and although I’ve blacked out most of the incident, I know my instantaneous screams and running out the house and down the street convinced her my fear was real. Not to mention, the entire bedroom had to be stripped, cleaned, furniture removed and searched before I could sleep there again. She totally gets it now and is the first person to dive in front of a worm to protect me, or do a sidewalk check after it’s rained to make sure it’s safe to go outside.
I am curious~ What is it about knowing someones freak factor that makes people instantly want to go for the tease/test/prank jugular? Is it a magnetic possibility of laughter or screams that beckons the inevitable test theory? There must be something juicy about knowing someones weaknesses that draws out an internal desire that says, “Hey, watch this, this otta freak them out!” I’m not innocent, I know I’ve done my fair share of the ‘watch this, ha ha’ moments……….But, I promise, if you comment one, or write your own entry filled with freak factors, I shall be good and refrain. On my honor~
Ok, now I need to go take a tranquilizer. I hope you all have a freak-less sort of day. I think tomorrow I’ll write about all the things I’m not afraid of, you know, save a little dignity here~
