Last night the Hubs and I actually watched a movie together. For the record, this is an extremely rare occurrence. We simply do not, in any shape or form, share mutual tastes in movies. We have less then a handful of movies we can tolerate together and one of them happens to be Mr. & Mrs. Smith, with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. I believe he likes the movie because it’s packed with manly action, 007 mentality and Angie’s breasts. I enjoy the movie because it’s packed full of marital sarcasms, good humor and Angie’s breasts. (Plus the fact she kicks ass through the whole thing)

One scene started a debate last night that I’m still smiling over. It involved the two Smiths sitting at the dinning table eating dinner. Mr. John Smith says, “Please pass the salt.” Which Mrs. Jane Smith responds, “it’s in the middle of the table.”

I chuckled, out loud, at that part…….

My husband looked at me, clueless and asked, “Whats so funny about that part?”

I smiled, “Don’t worry hun, that was a joke meant for woman across the world.”

Husband, hits the pause on the DVD player, “Whatdoyoumean? I don’t get it, whats so funny about asking for the salt?”

Me, taking a deep breath, it’s always potential quicksand going in to insult a Males mentality. “Robert, you do that sort of thing all the time. I believe most guys do it. We can be sitting an equal distance from something and you’ll ask me to get it for you instead of  just getting it yourself. This inside joke also falls in line with the fact men will stand in the kitchen and yell out, ‘hun, where’s the ???’ and act like you’ve searched for hours when in fact, if you had opened one cupboard door, you would have seen it yourself. Or you’ll ask me to go get things you need for a project, over and over when you should have just gotten all the tools in the first place”

Robert, “Guys don’t do that. I don’t do that.”

Me, sweet kind wife, “Ah, yay ya you do. All the time.”

Robert, “Name one time.”

Viper going in for the kill, “Remember yesterday when you stood in the middle of the bedroom and called out in desperation, ‘Rebecca, I can’t find my shoes!’ and I got up from the office, walked into the bedroom, walked straight over to your side of the bed and pointed to them on the floor? Or….when you were working on the kitchen sink last week, you called out no less then 10 times for me to go get a different tool? Or…..when we were eating dinner the other night you asked me to pass the salad dressing when in fact it was closer to you then me and I said, and I quote, ‘Robert, it’s closer to you then me.’ Or…….”

Robert, recoiling from the venom in truth, “Ok, ok, no more, I’ve heard enough. Lets just watch the movie.”

I’ve cross checked this scenario with many, many woman. Through my extensive research I’ve come to the conclusion that this is indeed a universal Male thing and therefore it should be written into the Handbook for Woman. Situation 1) How to handle the salt being 1/2 the distance between you and your husband. Situation 2) How to handle a husbands feigned attempt to locate a missing item. Situation 3) How to handle a husbands request, without telling him to ‘get it yourself dammit”……

Now….if us ladies could just figure out viable solutions to the situations~