Tag Archives: kids

A case of the missing Betty Poppins

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~Betty~

~Betty~

Shhhh…….can you hear that? It’s the sound of relief or tears from  many, many Mommies sending their kiddos back to school today.

I happen to fall into the relief category. That’s right, I’m one of those Moms. It has nothing to do with my daughters and everything to do with me. The older I get, the more I need the predictable schedule of their school hours. I need that space of time between 7:45 a.m and 3:00 p.m. that is all about focus and getting things accomplished.

Being a summer slacker looses it’s luster after awhile and I’ve been feeling the need for an actual schedule creeping around the edges this last month. Thats utterly boring to admit so I shall blame age, responsibility, life and obligations for losing my carefree spirit.  Damn adulthood anyway.

A week, or so ago (without schedule time tends to fold into and over itself), I was chatting with one of my daughters about Motherhood. She would like 4 children. A Boy first and then any combination of boy or girl after that until she fulfils the desired 2 boy-2 girl quota. As a Grandma to be, I’m all over those numbers. The more the merrier I say.

~Poppins~

~Poppins~

Daughter:  I’m not sure what type of Mother I’ll be.

Me:  Well, you’ll either be a bit like I’ve been or because of the type of Mom I’ve been, you’ll run to the other side and be a Betty Poppins Mom. 

Daughter: What Is A Betty Poppins Mom??

Me: Oh you know, the sort of Mom I’ve never been. 1/2 Betty Crocker and 1/2 Mary Poppins. Cupcakes and a spoon full of sugar and all that.

Daughter: Ohhhhhh–well, ummm 

Me: Darlin, we both know I’ve never been one of those Moms and I’m Mom enough to admit it. Hopefully it isn’t a genetic thing so maybe your kids will have a chance.

Daughter: Maybe!

Me: You should know though, I totally plan on being the Anna Osbourne Grandma. And if you’re wondering what that is I’ll tell you. It’s 1/2 my Mother Anna and her amazing Grandma skills, plus 1/2 Sharon Osbourne and her rockin wacky ways. You’re kids are gonna love me as a Grandma so make sure and have lots and lots of them.

The Bell That Chimes “Your Turn”

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alarmIn three hours time a bell will chime, ding, buzz, scream, announce and generally warn the valley that I live in—– school, is out for the summer. 

When this breath sucking moment occurs, ding ding ding style,  a range of emotions will flutter like a virus though thousands and thousands. I’m fairly certain the entire dynamic of life as we know it will shift instantaneously and the earth will wobble on it’s axis. Ding.

I’m not so old that I don’t remember ~For kids, when they hear that bell announce their jail cell has been unlocked and the key lost until September, there will be tears of joy. They will feel relief that they made it through another grade in school and walk out those school doors with a mind full of positive expectations for their precious summer days. They will be punch drunk on glorious freedom.

I am old enough to know what this means as a Mom ~ Terror comes to mind. Entertainment schedules and daily movement throughout the house. It means extra snacks in the cupboards and a revolving friend door that never hits anyone in the ass. It means mid-week sleepovers and a whole lotta frozen popsicles. It also bring these questions and statements….. the words that provoke mind numbing dead air space……….

“Mom, what can we do today?”
“Mom, there’s nothing to do……….”
“Mom, can we…..”
“Mom, can thing 1, thing 2, thing 3, thing 4 and thing 5 all spend the night?”
Mom, there’s nothing good to eat…”
“Mom, will you give us a ride….”

“Mom, are you there? Whats wrong with you? Your eyes are scaring me, they look blank and glazed over and why are you strumming your lower lip like that?”

I know some parents, the good ones, look at summer as a beautiful time to have their kids in the homestead full time. Those parents probably bake toll house cookies and cupcakes on a daily basis. They probably have a nicely constructed calendar already filled to the brim with activities and highlights to occupy their time. I admire that and them. Honestly.

I just happen to fall in line with the parents who protest and cry (read, sob pathetically) with signs on the last day of school. We can be heard chanting a full year of school would be safe and beneficial for all parties involved.  The teachers position themselves from their art covered windows and throw spit wads down at us sad parental figures. We parents get zero sympathy points from them……..(love you teachers for the 9 months you do bestow upon us)

So, in a few hours the bell will chime freedom for some and panic for others. I will paint a brilliant smile on my face and wing it for the next 3 months. I will hope for the best ( a quick arrival of September) and mentally prepare myself for the invasion.

I can do this. For the other parents who aren’t all, “Oh wee, this will be fun” I know exactly what you are thinking……..For the good parents, yes, well, please don’t tell my kids what you’re up too, that’s bad for business!

On Being Mom

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~Who's my sweet Geek? Who~

~Proof is in the picture~

Mom 1: Yesterday I wasted better part of an hour trying to change my font size here. In my usual fashion, once I skidded past the point of reasonable patience I started verbally attacking my computer and the Church of WordPress. Since I can be loud during momentary rants of evilness, my youngest daughter Kaitlyn came into my office to investigate. This is how it went down.

Kaitlyn: “Tell me the problem and let me see if I can help you fix it.”

Me: “All right Mizz Smarty Pants. This thing here says my font is 0.8em, but if I move it to 0.9em which seems logical, I hate the way that looks, all wrong. I googled font sizing, but it’s either these ems things which is what wordpress uses, or px size and it’s all in code that I know nothing about. I just want plain old run of the mill size 12 font.”

Kaitlyn, staring intently at the screen of voodoo codes, “Ok, so you want a font size 12, which is actually px, but your system runs off ems. We just need to convert the sizes, it’s a simple mathematical formula Mom.Plus, you have to realize different font families will always exhibit different sizes, so you’ll probably need a nice simple font family like Times Roman”

Me: “Errr, Ummm, well, ya, ok I was getting to that. So, how would you figure out the, what did you say, conversion rate on font size, because that’s exactly what I would do.” (HA, haahahah, sure I would have)

Kaitlyn grabs a scrap of paper, she starts scribbling down numbers and lines and a mix breed of what looks like hieroglyphics’s mixed with my nightmares from school. And suddenly….

Kaitlyn: “Ok, I’ve got it, for every 3 px it equals .25 em. So if you want 12 font it’s a simple 1.0em, if you want to go smaller, like size 11 font, you can go .916em and it should be perfect. Anything else?”  

Me: “Ahhhh, no sweetie, that should do it. Thank you so much. ” And as she walked away I thought to myself, I gave birth to her right? As in, that is my child, of my blood, my genetics. She is my people, but she speaks in alien tongue…………

~~~~~~~~~

Mom 2: Last night. Shelby comes in, beautiful, smiling, a twinkle in her eye. I immediately crouch into protective mode, she wants something, I can feel it in my Mother bones.

Shelby: ”So Mom, I was thinking, I think it would be awesome if I got a lip ring, what do you think?”

Me, careful not to show any quick movements, nor a flicker of horror, and certainly not a gasp of hell NO. I’ve been the Mother of a teen for awhile now, they have tactics, and so do I. These situations become a test of smiles. First person to break rank and glare, huff, puff, grind teeth or roll their eye’s…. loses. ”Oh, wow, you do huh….well that’s an interesting twist in the accessories department.”  

Shelby: “I think so, and it would be pretty, just a small one. Don’t answer now, just think about it and we’ll talk about it tomorrow k, love you. ” And off she bounces………..

So, I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. And this is what my mind sees and then imagines……

~Current Daughter~ Shelby Nov. 2008~

~Current Shelby Nov. 2008~

Current Daughter, Shelby, age 17.

Natural.

Good student.

Gorgeous Smile. Clean lips.

Social Butterfly.

Caring.

Almost to college.

Eager to start life on her own.

And if I start to think, well maybe I could say yes to her request because maybe,… it wouldn’t be the end of the world…….my mind goes HERE………..

~My New Modified Daughter give or take 2 years~

~My New Modified Daughter give or take 2 years~

I can’t help it. I’m a Mom…..our minds go THERE
And there.
And over to that.
And yes, that too……..
I’d bet my Mommy creditials that all parents minds would go there………
Modified over there IS someone’s kid and it started with one!