Tag Archives: blog

Moving Along With Some Changes

Posted on by

“Eighteen days” said the feed status since the last time I wrote in this corner of the Internet Highway. Is that a sad display of blog love or is it a clear sign of neglect? Either way,  thankfully this blog can’t call me in or report me to a blog neglect site (that I know of anyway) Can you imagine if our blogs have a voice? Rights? A say in how things went down? I shudder to think! Provocation would be one of the first blogs seized and shuffled into a blog foster care system.

~Outta Here~

~Outta Here~

Basically I’ve been off in Rebecca LaLa Lands with a side of absorbing changes, packing up my house to move, pondering the direction of my next 10 years, and writing where my writing dictated I go, which is a different location. When I go into overloaded mode, I tend to shut down non-major artery systems and it seems, this aspect of my life is the first to go, typically. Ehhh, enough of that……

I’m moving, houses that is (no more blog moves, evvahher)

Who knew moving would uncover a hundred things I thought long gone. As I pack up each day I find myself going, “Oh hell, so that’s where I put that” and “Oh, why do I even have this…donation time!” The worst exclaim that can be heard at my soon to be deserted home is “OMG - Get the hazard suit, the dust bunnies have been located and they have been breeding.” I’ve confirmed that what you don’t see, can’t hurt you and ignorance is dust particle bliss.

There’s a reason I’m a strict creature of habit. I like having my things exactly where I want them and having my life in boxes is not such a great feeling. Although I’m excited to move into the new digs, this grey zone is grade A torture. I know some people who move on a yearly basis and at this point, I can’t even comprehend how they do it. I’ve lived in this house for 8 years (creature of habit) which is evidenced by the dust bunny population.

Until I get finished moving, get unpacked, get resettled and all Rebecca cozy and comfy, posting on this site and interaction on the Internet will continue to be minimum at best. I take comfort in my complete and total trust in the fact this world will continue chugging along it’s merry way without me. I know this because I have not achieved world domination as of yet and no one is counting on me in the least. It’s good to be a nobody ~

And Lastly. Over my years of blogging I have exchanged addresses with many people from the Internet world. I’ve sent things afar in the mail and received some great notes and letters back. My address is changing so I decided to do something I probably should have done a long time ago. I purchased myself a private personal mailbox. If those that have my address could revise to this new address, that would be great. If you didn’t have my address and want to send me a hello in a real live mailbox, well, here ya go! I might feel better about my 70 dollars for 6 months mailbox purchase if I actually get something in the mail (grin)

New Address;
Rebecca Anne
3527 S. Federal Way, Ste 103, #221
Boise, Idaho
83705

P.S. I don’t live there so attempting any form of cyber stalker might be tricky. The guy that runs the place looks like he could kick some ass. Ya know, just thought I should mention that.

Huggable with an armful of Niche Sympathy

Posted on by

huggingSometimes those who blog inadvertently become ‘authorities’ on certain subject matters by what they write. Now moi, me, El Rebeccason, who writes random nonsense and who is lacking a niche, blogging identity and official technorati category is the least likely person to earn authority on anything. Normally, I’m just not that kind of girl.

However, it seems my wee little blog, one entry only, is rising to the top of google search terms about hugging and I’m not sure what to do with the hug responsibility.

Lets look at the inquires ~As a google refresher, the words in pink are the verbatim search term………

Pullman, Washington arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for is it good to be a huggable man?.
Arlington, Texas arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for I rarely hug..
Toronto, Ontario arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for hugs and pressing cheeks.
Waynesboro, Tennessee arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for do like when men hug you or is it to personal breasts.
Staten Island, New York arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for ass stuck out hug.
Santee, California arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for man who asks for a hug and then is cold and stiff.
Pearl River, New York arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for breasts pressing hugs.
And so on and so on and so on………………………..

I should write a book and become a leading authority on the art of hugging. I know what it feels like when you would rather sprint to the nearest dentist (and god knows I hate the dentist) than get trapped by snake arms, or I could publish an e-book about how not to stick ones ass out when ensnared in anothers arms. I’ve lived on both sides of the hugging coin since I was first a hug resistant cringer and second I’ve been in ‘learn to embrace the hug’ training.

When I look at the search terms my heart really does go out to people. I realize those that hug naturally probably have no idea what the big deal is because they can swoop in like hug angels and embrace anything with a pulse and radiate love and emotions while smiling a mile wide. Some of us weren’t born with the hug skills, we freeze up like a glacier ice pack. We actually have to consciously work at it…

It seems people used to work on their hand shake. Whats wrong with the hand shake? I’m good with those, no issues, no fears, nice firm grasp, great eye contact, friendly smile, and respectable shake. If I had a vote in this matter I would absolutely make hand shaking the renewed sensation and hugging so last year, but I don’t and it does appear hugging is the new social rage. Time to embrace the uncomfortable ye huggophobics.

As for those examples of search terms, it’s future google travelers lucky day, I’ll answer those questions because I am a proxy authority, one who has walked the barren lands of hug dodging and arm ducking.
1) is it good to be a huggable man?. YES! Specifically with your lady and children. As for everyone else, only a few men can carry the full time huggable persona without becoming a touchy feelie leech. Don’t cross the fine line ~
2) I rarely hug. No one should hold this against you. Hugging, although a social rave, is not mandatory~
3) hugs and pressing cheeks Both? I’d say, only by accident or with someone I’d take a bullet for ~
4) do like when men hug you or is it to personal breasts This sentence reads like you tossed in the breast potential as an afterthought. I think it depends on the huggable man. Some men convey comfort while others seem to delight in the zero space suffocation style. Simply put, if he grabs your ass, smack em, he’ll love it ~
5) ass stuck out hug HA!! SEE!! I’m not the only one. You have come to sympathetic lands here dear wayward traveler. If you want to avoid the ass stuck out to the West or East coast maneuver, you must remain upright. No unhinging at the hips. It’s very uncomfortable and allows for meshed bodies, but if you can remain locked at the hips, I’m told the quality of the hug goes up tenfold. Deep air intake helps ~
6)man who asks for a hug and then is cold and stiff. Don’t hold it against him! He could be locked at the hips like the prior example, he could be attempting not to come across as a leech, he could be untrained in the art of hugging (ok maybe he doesn’t like you, but try the prior justifications out first)~
7) breasts pressing hugs Unavoidable without the ass stuck out maneuver which I hear deducts major huggability points off your hug quality rating. I’ve learned to just go with it, I suggest, go with the flow, let them press. Unlocking your shoulders and hunching them forward helps a bit on the breast protection front. If the hug is for another lady she won’t care, if it’s for a guy, it just might be the highlight of his day. Who knows….

(((((This Hug is for You)))))

Woman Genius, Man Squeamish

Posted on by
For the Ladies

For the Ladies

This entry is for the ladies.
Men, if you read it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
(exclamation point to the tenth degree)
(seriously, I WARNED YOU, no whining)

I’ve got it.
It only took 30 some odd years to come up with the perfect verbal rebuttal system against all things boy/man whine.
 But I’ve got it now.
I am locked and loaded.

Now, I wouldn’t throw out random verbal prescriptions to the ladies without putting said system through a rigorous beta testing phase first, so I can assure, this system works, 99.9% of the time. In fact, after a four week clinical trial with my very own lab rat who I shall identify as Robert aka “The Husband” my success rate is smoking red effective.

Sooo……to explain. You all know how men can be sorta big babies about things right? Prone to whiner moments, a bit dramatic over things us ladies typically go, ya? so whats the big deal? It’s common knowledge a woman can swiffer sweep the house, do three loads of laundry, wash windows and juggle 3 children on her hip at the same time she has a 104 degree temp and only pauses to throw up occasionally— while a man with a slight sniffle will dive onto the nearest couch and text message the closest estrogen to retrieve the remote 5 feet away…ya know, cause he’s got a sniffle. (if your male, and you’re reading this, please review the first paragraph again)  Well gather around, I have a solution.

Dialogue from the Clinical Trial:

Lab Rat: “I think my elbow hurts from picking up that box the other day.”
My response: “I have the worst cramps today, like a chainsaw massacre in my pelvis.”
Results~ A slight look of perplexed confusion followed by a no reply retreat. No mention of the elbow again.

Lab Rat: ” My back hurts, mind giving me a back rub?”
My Response: “Sure, but first will you run to the store and buy some tampons? I’m out.”
Results~ A sputter. A mutter. Another withdrawal. Neither request was honored.

Lab Rat: “I just don’t feel like working today.”
My Response: “I think having a period should be like the olden days when ladies got to lounge in a red tent and be honored for her womb. What do you think? No working for me while I renew each month?”
Results~ Hands thrown up in the air, quick about face and off to work he went. I think I’ll still lobby for that renewel vacation.

Lab Rat: “I’m in a bad mood, so and so pissed me off on that conference call.”
My Response: “I’m full of rampant unpredictable hormones that are prone to crying jags or hateful thoughts because I’m about to start my period…I’m sorry, why were you in a bad mood?”
Results~ Blank stare. Took three steps back, did an about face and went away mumbling sumthin’. I can’t be sure, but I believe it instantly took his mind off his bad conference call. Soooooo sweet of me.

Lab Rat: “Ohhh Ohhhh, I got a paper cut!!!!!”
My Response: “If it bleeds for 7 days we can discuss it.”
Results~ A bit of revulsion and I believe he responded, “Good hell, don’t put those images into my mind!!” I classify it a successful bit of perspective.

 And so on……..

However, with any good prescription and clinical trial, the warnings and possible side effects must be disclosed. There is only one and I’ve decided I can live with it.

Rebecca: “Whats wrong with you? You seem quiet today.”
Lab Rat: “I’m not telling you.”
Rebecca: “Why not? Whats up?
Lab Rat: “If I tell you anything you’ll say, cramps, or menstruation or mention tampons or childbirth, things no man wants to ever think about, so I admit nothing!”
Rebecca: “When you end a sentence with such finality you should pause and say period!”

Ya know, I was skeptical about this whole ‘Wife’ gig for some time, but I really think I’m getting the hang of it!! Use the power of verbal persuasion wisely. Think of it as shooting bullets from a six shooter, only point at what you are willing to silence, period.

 Bleeding Heart Disclaimer: no living specimens were physically or emotionally harmed during this clinical trial. Bouts of laughter and good smiles were observed, but we are of the belief that’s never a bad thing.

100 Blog Posts and a Comment

Posted on by
99 plus 1

99 plus 1

This entry marks my 100th blog entry for Provocation of Mine (d) Oh, Hello CHA-CHING ~
Of course the number does not reflect the true number of blog entries I’ve flung out over the years since I have moved locations a few times, but still…..100….in this blog…..in under a years time.

I’m on freakin fire……….

A few weeks ago I was in the living room when I could hear laughter coming from the office. It rang out, then went quiet, then I’d hear a chuckle, then quiet, repeat about five times before I hauled myself up and went in to see if my husband was watching puppet pornos or something worse on his computer.

Low and behold I busted him big time. Reading this site. The visual evidence, Provocation on his screen, and I took a deep breath and inquired, “So…..I heard you laughing, does that mean everything is all good? I mean, before you say anything, the way I see it, I refrain brilliantly from using the millions of moments I could use you for easy blog fodder” and he responded, “Everything is fine, I’m enjoying this. Not only do I like how you write, but I’m also reading the comments and there is some pretty hilarious stuff in here from the readers.”

~Hilarious is right~
In honor of my 100th post I present my version of a comment snapshot blitz.
Here are some excerpts from over 1500 comments, taken out of context, mini-highlights, randomly chosen for my amusement purposes.

  • Come to think of it, I’m a diet soda whore
  • Multiple husbands would have to be stabled like horses and each one taken out for exercise individually
  • Multiple wives means multiple PMS. No way!!
  • The favorite search term I’ve ever seen used to reach my site was one for “Hot Amish Sex.” I pictured a lonely, old Mennonite with a butter-churning fetish
  • Once you go Blackberry, you never go back(berry)
  • I don’t see the humour in this. My wife would tell you that I am nothing like that. No, you can’t have her cell number
  • I am about to throttle my brain because I’m refraining from not touching the double entente land mines you placed in the first paragraphs
  • My mind went right there. Not sure what that says about the company you’re keeping
  • You, missy, are a bad influence
  • In my mind I am picturing you chanting “The power of Christ compels you, The power of Christ compels YOU!”
  • You scare me, Ms. Might Kick A Man In The Package for amusement purposes
  • A few crossed wires and he might have gotten a phone sex line, which, I must say, has not been the same since they outsourced it to India
  • I’d tell you all sorts of moral strictures about parenting and all, but who really wants to hear that from a childless Atheist who listens to Marilyn Manson all the time?
  • I am totally afraid to click on that link…..you gals are scaring me!
  • Hooray for boobies!!!!
  • You ain’t nuffin but a hound dog
    provocin’ me all the time
    You ain’t nuffin but a hound dog
    From a place called op de zoom
    You can walkabout all you want
    But your ass will never be mine.

Pure Poetry in my humble opinion.  Thank you brilliant contributors.

Blog Trolls, Moles and Sad Souls

Posted on by

I’ve done the blogging gig for over 5 years. If we equate that amount of time in true blog years, that basically makes me an elderly blog grannie with saggy socks and crazy hair who can be found taking frequent blog naps. I am also the old blog who is set in her ways with a wicked amount of blog observation under her browser. I’ve seen the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. At this point nothing can surprise me, however, that doesn’t mean I don’t get cranky sometimes……..

I can honestly say that over the years I’ve avoided all things blog ‘drama’ and or negative 98.1% of the way. Basically, the secret to my sauce is avoidance, neutral involvement and maintaining a semi-detached version of myself up for public offerings. I also find people I enjoy and visit occasionally and if I don’t like someone I move along, never to visit again. (side note: and sometimes I really do like a person, but still lose touch with them)Pretty simple concept.

The few negative comments or emails I’ve received over the years pretty much made me 1) laugh 2) ignore with mild annoyance 3) think WTF (hello insane Internet neighbor) 4) get reasonably pissed or 5) deal with the interruptions like fallen lint off the ass end of a pesky blog fly that gets vacuumed up.

I wish I could understand the motivations of the trolls and moles. I do think they are appropriately named….Those that go hiding behind fake emails, names, proxies and any other slinking underground maneuvers they can sniff up. Such effort! Such time commitment! Such twisted behavior! Such dirty work! And the rewards for all that dirt moving? A reaction! A rebuttal! A response! A blog entry all about them! This is my gift to you. Enjoy.

I would think that if a persons highlight of the day is to 1) try to provoke negativity 2) ruin a persons day 3) smear another persons name 4) stir the proverbial pot or 5) flick lint off their ass on another persons carpet—-they need to seriously take a deep breath. They need to think really long and really hard about what they are trying to accomplish and what in the hell is personally wrong within because good people generally don’t get off on hurting others.

If you are a mole troll, might I suggest considering–Would your Mother be proud of your mole holes? What would your children think of Mom slithering around the Internet inserting negativity onto other peoples world. Or how about this, what would your wife or husband think if the authorities showed up at your house for harassment? Think about explaining that one to your family…..

A little hint here for those living in lala land~ the Internet isn’t so anonymous anymore, your hole can be discovered with a few hound dogs and a couple of shovels. Thats the smell of your trail. Despite your fake everything, please comprehend this—You still leave a trail of shit droppings.

Now, with those thoughts out of the way I’d like to address a few specific individuals of the lint nature.

Ruby Tuesday ~ If I wanted an opinion about someone I consider a friend, I would have publicly asked for one. I didn’t, so that makes your intrusion on my blog spewing ridiculous personal opinion a deplorable act of immature mole behavior. You gave your opinion, so here’s mine.

I suggest you take a hard look at why you would want to slander someone, then wrap your warped motivations around a mirror and take a good look at yourself. Usually the things you think you see in others, the things you may be inclined to outwardly attack, are the exact things you deplore about yourself, tis the human nature of an insecure soul. Lets face it, you’re the one actively slandering someone beyond their borders. That would make you the creepy snail trail. You wrote ~  ”Rebecca, why is it you support Heather so much..” There is an easy answer to that question. I’ve accepted her as a friend and in that choice, I accept everything about her. Your opinion is beyond irrelevant to me.  Now kindly fuck off.

To the person who has their panties in a wad over my comment activities let me just say this. First email (beyond the cheap shots) I could have slightly respected. “You are not commenting !! on Rebeccas blog!! anymore!!” Cool, I’m down with that! I’m fairly certain my blog will go on without your interaction or expectations….just saying…

Second email, ok, you made your point, relax, take a laxative and a yoga class.
Third email, I’m starting to think you need to seriously consider a new life goal beyond counting comments, but whatever, if it twirls your skirt.
Fourth email…I suggest you slowwwwly walk awayyyyy from the computer. Your slim thread of any remaining logic is hanging precariously close to the edge of comment count hell. I hear in that hell NO ONE ever EVER comments. Life as you know it will be one entry after another and no comments for you! It will be all my fault of course, but I’ll manage to live with it.  

I read your shallow thought process (rants and sniveling), however, I must say, this blog grannie isn’t changing anything about the way I do things because you have a wedgie. I for one don’t play the tit-for-tat, obligation ridden mentality of comment back scratching… No thank you. I do pity the people who may be commenting in your blog. You should put a disclaimer on your homepage “warning, if you comment once here and I comment in your blog twice I will go mole whacky because our comment balance is off”~~ move along little mole. Pour a new bowl of Cheerios. Life is short. Tomorrow may never come. Grab a rainbow. Dance naked in the moonlight. Then find a comment support group, asap…..kisses and love oh so strange one.