Dearest Kaitlyn and Shelby~

Friendships are something you will both enjoy for the whole of your lives. The general and common idea of friendship revolves around the premise that a friend, is a present you gift yourself. I do agree with that basic concept, however friendship goes much deeper and is far more intricate than the simplicity of a gift. Friendship is connection, what you make of that connection is up to you. It does take time, and experience, to understand your individual needs in friendship and it will be up to you to define them…………But I have a few thoughts for you to consider.

One day you will realize that you are surrounded by friends, but circled tightly by your closest, most sacred friend or even a handful of close friends. There is a difference, friends enhance your life,  add value and enjoyment to your world, but best friends love you, circle you, and envelope you into their lives. You will learn with time how to tell the difference…..

Friendships should encourage your independence. There should be room for you to move to the right or move to the left based on your choices. The friend who is willing to corner you, is the friend you should be cautious. Solid friendship allows for wandering without constructing fence lines erected by jealousy, neediness and rules. Pure friendship rests easy in the comforts of connection that isn’t broken by space and distance. Don’t corner your friends my darlings and don’t let them do it to you. Don’t make friendship choose between making one happy or the other complacent. Playing those sort of games is the erosion of trust.

You need a network of different and unique perspectives around you. Appreciate the differences in your friends. Let them astound you with their individuality. Resist assuming their passions or pressing your interests upon them. Mutual sharing is fantastic and often the beginning of a friendship, learn from each other, but don’t attempt to mesh your identities. Show a friend what you love, but don’t expect them to feel as passionate as you do. Practise mutual admiration.

You will misjudge potential friendships. This is unavoidable. When people meet they often show only the best side of themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that, first impressions are important. But as you bring a friend closer to your heart, it is important that you both begin to show your authentic self. Expose yourself. Share the beautiful and the ugly, the happy and the sad. You should share a secret you are willing to risk. When you share risk, a deeper bond begins to weave. It’s called love and trust.

Just as you WILL individually evolve and change over time, your friends will stretch and grow as well. Both of you should respect this of one another. Nothing aggitates me more then hearing someone say, “that friend changed over time” …..well of course they did, haven’t you? If you are looking for a predictable, loyal, non changing friend, who doesn’t attempt to have a life of their own and is at your beck and call 24/7……..buy a dog. Question your own motives in a friendship and make adjustments. If a person changes in a way that makes you no longer comfortable, move to the far right.

Find friends that challenge you. Seek their advice, wisdom and then accept their words with objectivity. Offer your friendship to those who struggle, but resist being the one who pours fuel on their fires. Be their voice of perspective and subjective and ideas, but do not become their bible. Do not allow, or do not become – The friend who burdens with obligations, expectations and need. That is suffocation of connection.

Friendships warm and friendships cool. Some friendships end and some go on forever. Some friendships take long breaks and some friendships never get past the starting gate. Friends will shore up your memories and fill in the details you forget. They are your historians and secret keepers. They will be your cheerleaders, and your naysayers. Mourn the friendships that wilt and honor the one that are blooming.

And lastly, find a friend that makes you smarter just being near them. Find another one that absolutely scares the shit out of you with their daring personality. Seek out one that smells like lilacs in spring and wraps you with their compassion. Discover a friend that adds adventure to your life and one that would go to their grave with your most precious secrets. Look for one that argues with you and challenges your perception of life. Find the one that would drop everything around to help you in a time of need. And never take for granted the extraordinary in all of them…

Love Always~  Mom