Sometimes those who blog inadvertently become ‘authorities’ on certain subject matters by what they write. Now moi, me, El Rebeccason, who writes random nonsense and who is lacking a niche, blogging identity and official technorati category is the least likely person to earn authority on anything. Normally, I’m just not that kind of girl.

However, it seems my wee little blog, one entry only, is rising to the top of google search terms about hugging and I’m not sure what to do with the hug responsibility.

Lets look at the inquires ~As a google refresher, the words in pink are the verbatim search term………

Pullman, Washington arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for is it good to be a huggable man?.
Arlington, Texas arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for I rarely hug..
Toronto, Ontario arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for hugs and pressing cheeks.
Waynesboro, Tennessee arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for do like when men hug you or is it to personal breasts.
Staten Island, New York arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for ass stuck out hug.
Santee, California arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for man who asks for a hug and then is cold and stiff.
Pearl River, New York arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for breasts pressing hugs.
And so on and so on and so on………………………..

I should write a book and become a leading authority on the art of hugging. I know what it feels like when you would rather sprint to the nearest dentist (and god knows I hate the dentist) than get trapped by snake arms, or I could publish an e-book about how not to stick ones ass out when ensnared in anothers arms. I’ve lived on both sides of the hugging coin since I was first a hug resistant cringer and second I’ve been in ‘learn to embrace the hug’ training.

When I look at the search terms my heart really does go out to people. I realize those that hug naturally probably have no idea what the big deal is because they can swoop in like hug angels and embrace anything with a pulse and radiate love and emotions while smiling a mile wide. Some of us weren’t born with the hug skills, we freeze up like a glacier ice pack. We actually have to consciously work at it…

It seems people used to work on their hand shake. Whats wrong with the hand shake? I’m good with those, no issues, no fears, nice firm grasp, great eye contact, friendly smile, and respectable shake. If I had a vote in this matter I would absolutely make hand shaking the renewed sensation and hugging so last year, but I don’t and it does appear hugging is the new social rage. Time to embrace the uncomfortable ye huggophobics.

As for those examples of search terms, it’s future google travelers lucky day, I’ll answer those questions because I am a proxy authority, one who has walked the barren lands of hug dodging and arm ducking.
1) is it good to be a huggable man?. YES! Specifically with your lady and children. As for everyone else, only a few men can carry the full time huggable persona without becoming a touchy feelie leech. Don’t cross the fine line ~
2) I rarely hug. No one should hold this against you. Hugging, although a social rave, is not mandatory~
3) hugs and pressing cheeks Both? I’d say, only by accident or with someone I’d take a bullet for ~
4) do like when men hug you or is it to personal breasts This sentence reads like you tossed in the breast potential as an afterthought. I think it depends on the huggable man. Some men convey comfort while others seem to delight in the zero space suffocation style. Simply put, if he grabs your ass, smack em, he’ll love it ~
5) ass stuck out hug HA!! SEE!! I’m not the only one. You have come to sympathetic lands here dear wayward traveler. If you want to avoid the ass stuck out to the West or East coast maneuver, you must remain upright. No unhinging at the hips. It’s very uncomfortable and allows for meshed bodies, but if you can remain locked at the hips, I’m told the quality of the hug goes up tenfold. Deep air intake helps ~
6)man who asks for a hug and then is cold and stiff. Don’t hold it against him! He could be locked at the hips like the prior example, he could be attempting not to come across as a leech, he could be untrained in the art of hugging (ok maybe he doesn’t like you, but try the prior justifications out first)~
7) breasts pressing hugs Unavoidable without the ass stuck out maneuver which I hear deducts major huggability points off your hug quality rating. I’ve learned to just go with it, I suggest, go with the flow, let them press. Unlocking your shoulders and hunching them forward helps a bit on the breast protection front. If the hug is for another lady she won’t care, if it’s for a guy, it just might be the highlight of his day. Who knows….

(((((This Hug is for You)))))

And now for the second edition of Google, We Need to Talk~

As before, the explanations of what we see:

• 1) All these stats only show up if the person actually visits my site from their Google search
• 2) Pink, which is the most important part here, is the exact search terms the person typed in to discover my blog as a potential information source
• 3) Occasionally, I’ll include the main Google page result to illustrate why Google thought I should be included with the search…….
  4) Lastly, I just may have something to mention or suggest to the Dear wayward Google travelers……….

Caracas, Distrito Federal arrived from google.co.ve on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for Am I a cold person just because I don’t melt my body with someone else’s physical structure.

Dear Caracas ~ Ohh sweet human soul, no, you are not a cold brick of un-yielding flesh just because you don’t contort your body around others. Take heart and take heed,  I have some advice as I have been in training of late. The next time someone comes in to hug you, quickly pretend their body is a swizzlestick you want to lick. Not only will you smile involuntarily, you’re mind will go to a happy place and the entire experience will melt away quickly. Might I suggest peppermint, oh and do not lick the inside of their ear. That would be considered bad hugging behavior! Manners now. R~

Bergen Op Zoom, Noord-Brabant arrived from search.yahoo.com on “Saturday Slumber « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for ballkicking stomping pain.

Dear Bergen Op Zoom ~ Quick, get me a map, where in Gods name is Begen Op Zoom? I seriously like that name location. Someone, “Where do you live?” and I’d smile and say, “You’ll find me in the Zoom zone.” Anyway. Ballkicking. I wouldn’t recommend ever exposing your nuggets to the kickzone of an irate female. Folklore and Urban legends indicate that’s a very, very bad place to go as a male. If you came to my blog because you’d already experienced the ballkicking stomping pain, first, I swear, I didn’t do it. I learned my lesson many years ago. My foot has lost the itch and testing desire to kick any male in the sacred zone. If this had indeed happened, may I suggest visiting a male holistic blog with possible remedies. R ~

Brooklyn, New York arrived from google.com on “Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for dont let nuffin provoc u.

Dear Brooklyn ~ That’s right, you tell ‘em. Don’t let no nuffin, –although may I say, if you pronounce nothing as nuffin, you may lose intimidation points based on 1) baby gibberish tone or 2) which is worse, they may whip out a Kleenex and tell you to blow your nose—provoc u! Just take a stand against provoc-tion.

Auckland arrived from google.co.nz on “I am, without Color « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for my eyes are sensitive it’s too bright, even in a darkened room, I’m thinking of wearing more pink this year to make up for my lack of earth tones.

Dear Auckland ~ I kept your Google search for two reasons. First, sympathy, because I get you on the sensitive eyes and the blinding tones of happy colors. Stick with black and white and you’ll remain warm and cozy. Second, I kept your search because it’s SOOOOOOO DAMMNNNNNNNN LONNNNNNNGGGGGGGG. Impressive long. Epic Google search long. As soon as I saw this I raced right over to Google and tried out novel length, random searches. Unfortunately all it got me was porno sites and how to make money on the Internet randomness. You’re so lucky you’re gigantic search brought you to the promised land of Rebecca Anne. Aren’t you the blessed little Google searcher you! R~

London arrived from google.co.uk on “She who goes Walkabout « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for walkabout sex scene. & Woonona, New South Wales arrived from google.com.au on “She who goes Walkabout « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for walkabout sex scene.

Dear London and Woonona ~ So, being that I am American and haven’t visited your side of the pond, I realize based on your searches and several walkabout sex scene visits I’ve recently had……..I am SOOO missing out on something over yonder. So? Whatcha y’all got over there? A whole block dedicated to sex and walking? Is this a health and fitness thing or is it just a street of sex? A walk this way, walk that way and bamm, you get to the sex part? Inquiring minds want to know. ME. Oh the ways my mind can wander in such potential. Today I’m heading to the city hall of Boise Idaho and showing them my google stats for walkabout sex scenes. We could put Idaho on the map of American tourism if we just dedicated a block or so to this endeavor. Google said so. R ~

Caracas, Distrito Federal arrived from bing.com on “Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for www.your ass is mine.

Dear Caracas ~ Whoaaa ok, relax, I think I like my ass and no, you may not have it. I understand I mention my ass more then probably necessary on this website which brings in all sorts of ass searches. I’m resigned to this search fact now….. At this point in time I think I need to write up an entire entry just about the noble ASS so that all the ass travelers have an acceptable landing page to focus in on. You know, bulls eye style. I just hate to disappoint and my occasional ass references are hardly worth a visit, I don’t even have a picture of an ass, not mine, but a simple visual reference. I’ll work on that eventually. Until then, all ass visitors, may your searches land softly, squishy or hard as a rock (depending on your preference of course) but thank you for visiting anyway. R~

I should start an advice column. Oh the fun I could have…………

So, as many of you know, Google indexes everything we write. I just happen to have a few applications stashed on my website so that I may monitor how my blog and words are chopped up, stir fry style, and linked out to the information highway. 

I’ve already missed so many good ones that have fallen off the page, so this is as good a time as any to start this new feature. Simply put, I can no longer resist keeping track of the interesting ways my blog shows up, not to mention the sometimes appalling ways my blog is visited via wandering travelers by means of GOOGLE SEARCH~~~

• All these stats only show up if the person actually visits my site from their Google search
• Pink, which is the most important part here, is the exact search terms the person typed in to discover my blog as a potential information source
• Occasionally, I’ll include the main Google page result to illustrate why Google thought I should be included with the search…….
• Lastly, I just may have something to mention or suggest to the wayward Google travelers……….

Visitor: Elkhorn, Nebraska arrived from google.com on “When did huggable become social grace? « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for hugging in social groups.

Dear Elkhorn, Nebraska~ I’ll hug you. I’m currently in training. Just say yes to hugging.

Visitor: San Diego, California arrived from google.com on “In I Dee Ho, we wrangle Dinosaurs « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for ho name the dinosaurs.

Dear San Diego, California~ I’m sure you meant to say “who” named the dinosaurs and couldn’t have been looking for Ho dino’s. If there were such things as Ho dinosaurs I highly doubt there would have been an extinction. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the Idaho form of Ho dinosaurs. Truly.

Visitor: Houston, Texas arrived from google.com on “Exposed Nerves « Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for my teeth nerves are exposed.

Dear Houston Texas~ One word. Vicodin. That is all. Vicodin……….

Visitor: Rockville, Maryland arrived from google.com on “Provocation Of Mine (d)” by searching for teen puts frozen popsicle in ass.

Google Search Result (This is how MY blog ends up #2 in that precious search-notice the highlighted words and you’ll see how Google kindly puzzle pieced me into this one):

 Provocation Of Mine (d)

Robert: ” Your ass does look cute when you stick it way out and away from everyone.” …. Classy civilized behavior I tell ya……………now, I must go put my shoulder on …It means mid-week sleepovers and a whole lotta frozen popsicles. …. Teen: “Seriously, Mom, now that you have a mini-laptop, don’t you think it’s …
www.provocationofmind.com/ – Cached – Similar -

Dear Rockville, Maryland~ I hope you weren’t disappointed to discover Google pieced together 4 blog entries of mine to satisfy your, lets just call it, “Specialized” information search. Might I suggest……oh, nevermind. All the things I could write to do justice to this search situation would just be bad, bad, bad. (second thought, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, let go of the stick)

For today, because I wanted to get the Google Edition ball rolling, most of these are pretty sweet and tame……ok, except that last one. From here on out I’ll safely store the best of them in a draft until I’ve got a decent collection of head scratchers.

I know, I know……the things I do to entertain myself!