Health: A Popular Form of Self Imposed Torture
Ode to the Snickers Bar
If health is a “frame of mind and body”, then I should say my frame is the type one might find in the discount bin at the local Salvation Army. No. strike that…that’s giving my health stock too much value. I’m probably more like the frame that has split in several places and someone tossed it in the garbage bin because they were too embarrassed to donate it to the Salvation Army.
Yup, that’s me. Garbage bin extraordinaire.
Adopting a healthy plan of attack seemed like a reasonable if not sound solution to my current struggling mentality. Eat right, exercise daily and by general principle alone a person should FEEL overall better. That’s the rumor, that’s what a million and two articles suggest, talk shows, Oprah, even Doctors imply such drastic measures!
So I thought I’d give the healthy side of the coin a whirl~ I’m trying ~ But I’m flailing ~ But I’m still keeping an open mind………..
I believe a person either has a healthy inner mentality or they don’t. A bit like either someone is a drinker–or not. Smoker–or not, Gambler–or not. Nascar watcher–or hell no, not. I fall into the never thought about it, never cared about it, never bought a scale to watch weight, never looked at labels, “is 2800 calories for a milk shake bad?”, never afraid of McDonalds and always willing to eat a light dinner so I could take seconds at the dessert table, side of the railroad tracks.
Since I’ve never been on a diet for weight or health, in my entire life, eating with intention and attention is a COMPLETELY foreign concept. I’ve read everything I could get my hands on because that’s what a person does when they start at the kindergarten level. Right now, if good intention and reading about going healthy and wholesome counted for anything I’d be a fine tuned human being fully loaded with optimized joints and muscles like lean meat. All the pistons in my brain would be firing on perfectly timed belts and I’d probably float down the street during my daily walks/runs like a messiah parting the seas from my, oh so healthy, air current. Sadly, reading doesn’t count for a whole lot in this department……..
I’ve ran into some real (huge) problems with this endeavor. Adjustments and exceptions seem to crop up every single day and evidently my Will Power Corporation is at odds with my Ambitious LLC.
Here are some general observations and exceptions
- Diet Coke should be allowed into the program because it has the word Diet in it. ‘Nuff said, I don’t want to hear it~
- Healthy eating is irrelevant in the face of monster buffets at family reunions~
- Dinner at Moms house is exempt from moderation because she is a fabulous cook~
- Whole wheat pasta takes like shit cardboard paste and by gag reflex alone is OFF the menu~
- Anything that makes me gag once is off the menu, no exceptions~
- A carrot stick is NOT a Snicker bar, no matter how I attempt to convince my mind it’s a decent snack~
- Going healthy makes an extremely unhealthy body feel even worse…current rumor implies that’s temporary, but I’m starting to think people just like watching misery from afar~
- Doing sit ups is the most BORING exercise known to man~
- Be cautious of anything that says ‘zero fat, zero sugar, zero carbs or zero anything’ ~
- Self denial inspires criminal thoughts. Things like, “Eat that Butterfinger in front of me and I will physically hurt you” and so on~
This shall stand as my official confession from the trenches of Health & Truth
- Exception number 58-telling the truth earns one cookie
I’ve made all the concessions to health conscience eating I am going to. I try to eat no more than one fried food with any meal….preferably fried in canola oil. Do eggs once a week. Use 2% milk instead of whole. I only ever add salt to my mashed potatoes because I like that fresh salt taste on them. One bread serving per meal. And I just truly don’t seem to care for sweets anymore. But that’s it. That’s as far as I go.
I love me my Diet Coke/Pepsi/Dr. Pepper/Root Beer… Come to think of it, I’m a diet soda whore. So be it! I’m also a vegetarian, but I’m not nor will I ever be, a vegan. That’s because I’d rather die than give up hot-out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookies and skim milk. I have substituted soy milk in my chai tea latte’s however, and I swear to Buddah they taste better! Who knew?
Good luck w/your healthy endeavors, Rebecca. You’re a gorgeous girl who appears to be quite healthy. Whatever you do, don’t give up your Snickers bars. Life’s much too short for that sort of nonsense.
Debbie Schubert´s last blog ..Embrace Action, Release Results
I am so glad to hear from the non diet camp. Seriously. All those helthy freaks are scaring me! Yeah, I should lose some weight, but if it is not going to taste good, then why bother? LOL…
Tawnya´s last blog ..Wednesday Hero
I still loves me my meat, so I’ll never be a vegetarian, either. But I’ve found that as I get older, I seem to naturally be eating less meat. I eat my salad (and we eat lots of salads WITH dressing) and veggies first, then head for the meat. By that time, I’m starting to get full.
We still eat pretty much what we want, but try to be careful with it. I rarely eat chocolate anymore, which is SHOCKING to me, and if I need something sweet, I keep a stash of licorice on hand. I think that your body tends to sort of let you know what you need, because I start craving salads and veggies if I haven’t had any for a while. A lot of things are about habit…if you get out of the habit of having a doughnut for breakfast, you really don’t miss it. Know what I mean?
Beth´s last blog ..The girl’s got a mouth on her
Ugh. I’m six months post-partum and I REALLY need to lose some weight but fuck, food relaxes me, I like making something decadent and lovely and eating it once the baby goes to sleep.
I am not a fan of whole-wheat pasta in general BUT, if you still have some in the cupboard, I’ve found it edible if I toss it with browned butter, baby peas, and some sort of spice with a kick to it (I have some maple habanero pepper from http://www.maplepepper.com/ that I use). Obviously the browned butter is sort of, um, well… decadent… but it’s tasty as hell
Tatiana´s last blog ..Being a twenty-something
LMAO that was entertaining. I’m good at exercising, but I have to admit I probably eat a cow a week.
Mike´s last blog ..Slow Ride
I ended up with Acid Reflux disease, a lovely by product that goes hand in hand with the Emphysema. Soda of any type bothers me and sadly chocolate has had that effect too. Milk products I have to be careful with…see where this is going. By the time I’m done, if I can eat it without it bothering me, it’s my new favorite food (Which is currently toast with ginger marmalade -a slightly spiced jam)
I eat less spicy food and more veggies and fruits. For me it was more out of necessity than want. Now I actually crave it. It’s gotten to the place, even Paul has said he doesn’t like sweet stuff as much any more. He tends to raid my stash of fruit. But I digress in your case you’re doing this to feel better mind wise right? In that case whatever you desire dear friend. You’re already healthy and in great shape. Why torture yourself if you don’t have to? (Hugs) Indigo
Indigo´s last blog ..In the Fertile Mind of an Author…
I’m so glad to have found someone who dosn’t like diets! Thay are a boring torture and contradicting. If you go to the gym – you NEED your carbs! Otherwise you’ll pass out during or after. Water is boring, sugar free things usually contain aspartame which is even worse than sugar; and running is the most boring type of exercise ever. I love my meat and my chocolate. There is nothing better than a good bar of milk chocolate and a book. Phew, now I’m out of breath… I’m not that fit eh?
Klara´s last blog ..The future of our children
I’m with you, but could probably use one. I’d rather eat chips and dip than anything else…well except for maybe lobster, chocolate and Classic Coke!
Hi, again. Stop over at my place. I’ve left a little something there for you.;-)
Debbie Schubert´s last blog ..I’d Like to Thank My First Grade Teacher…
I totally feel you but umm, I LOVE whole wheat pasta! What kind are you buying?
As for the rest of it? I never thought I’d be on a “diet” but the tumor forces me to be so.. No chocolate, no red wine, no processed foods and no Diet Coke. Unless we go out to eat, I don’t eat any of those things.
I miss my diet coke so much
Heather´s last blog ..Motions
Di-what?
Are you speaking a foreign language? I do not understand what this word is.
Chris´s last blog ..Milanesa
Good luck with the healthy eating! I love my fast foods and my chocolate. I do exercise on a regular basis, but I hate to say it is mostly so I can indulge!
Kelly Polark´s last blog ..Tunes for Tuesday/GNO
HI Rebecca,
I found you from Debra Schubert’s blog and so glad I did. I so relate to this blog, except, unlike you, I’ve been overweight most of my adult life. Tried every diet known to mankind and always put the weight back on. I’m 5′ 3 1/2 and weighed 184 pounds, so I seriously needed to get healthy. Three years ago I hired a nutritionist to teach me how to eat. And I’ve kept the weight off now for 2 years. I indulge in sweets every once in awhile, and I do eat whole wheat pasta – there are ones that don’t taste like cardboard. But heck, if I looked like you, I wouldn’t worry.
Karen Walker
Karen Walker´s last blog ..The Work of a Writer
I stopped to say congrats on your award from Deb and was struck dumb by the candy bar – dang it all! Now I want one….bad~!
kat magendie´s last blog ..Picturing the scene: eyes falling out of their sockets; arms & legs followed! oh dear!
I’ve stopped trying to give up diet coke totally but I wish I could because it really does make a difference when I cut it out. I really want to eat that chocolate … right now. Or a pint of ben and jerry’s
OH and you have to find the right whole wheat pasta — look for dream fields .. it is awesome!
Living in one of the healthiest cities in the country I have had to conform. When we go out to eat, fried veggies are not on the menu. I have had one “heart event” and that has brought the need to be healty to the forefront. I will admit that, after a very long walk on a hot, hot day, a frozen Snickers bar hits the spot.
David Wheeler´s last blog ..Vacation and Happy Hour
Ha-larious. I love the opening of this blog Rebecca! Just adore it. I can’t tell what kind of frame I’d be… I think I might be a smig like the Kitchen Aide my mother in law gave us for our wedding present… There waiting, just waiting to be used, accessed and put to good purpose but also something that I just cannot seem to get off that damn top shelf in the kitchen…
AC Siapno´s last blog ..What Day Is It Today?
Love Debbie’s characterization of herself as being a Soda Whore! That’s me all over. For some weird reason, I love any healthy food that someone else makes, but am singularly incapable of creating healthy food on my own. Why do you suppose that is? It’s a real conundrum!
CatLadyLarew´s last blog ..A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to Get More Coffee…