Monthly Archives: April 2009

Witness Protection Program

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I’ve got nothing. I’ve hit the brick wall of blogging hell this morning and realized I have no avenue left to turn down, except perhaps, to address something I’ve been conveniently ignoring online for 5 years. My personal life~

Recent Comment made by the always so fabulous Marc (k) : “I’m starting to think you’re in the Witness Protection Program and that’s why you’ve been so careful about opening up.” Now, so Marc (k) doesn’t have to take the whole rap for nudging me, there may be one more person who, in her softest tones, has hinted at me as well to get with the program. I shall not mention (M) names here.

So here’s the truth. I’ve been a ward of the state via the witness protection program and although they allow me computer, I’m under strict guidelines to reveal nothing. There ya have it, the reason for 5 years of writing without revealing much of anything. Cool huh.

No? Ok, then how about this. When I started my journal it was meant to be an extension outside of the world I lived in day to day. To go personal is to include my day to day workings, the things I’d like to take a break from if I’m to be honest here. For example, I am a Mother, 24-7, day in day out, but Motherhood does not define (consume) me. I like being a Mom, love it, however, I don’t breath, eat, sleep it. This little space was a way to step away and indulge the other pieces of myself. I’ve made a few selective exceptions over the years, but on the whole, I’ve tried to leave my two daughters out of the program until a bit more recently. I imagine I’ll be mentioning them more as I attempt to round out my writing experience. But, I doubt anyone will ever call me a Mommy Blogger. I could have gone down that blogging platform, easily, but on a personal level, I wanted a seperation from state of being. See?

On relationships. With A Man, or a Woman I suppose some could have wondered, since I’ve never addressed this~Ever~ Not once in 5 years ~ Hows that for tenacity!~Fierce~ Some have noticed this blaring omission and kindly asked from time to time…do I have them, one, several, none? Is there someone special in my life? Someone asked me if I was a nun awhile back. That one made me smile.

The Husband ~ Robert

The Husband ~ Robert

So, here’s the deal. Yes. Not to the nun part. But yes. I have relationship. In fact, I have relationship that crossed the point of no return just last year and I got married in 2008. Told ya, tenacity baby, news like that didn’t even weasel itself into my pages online. Surprise….I’m a wife! ( I know, I’m stil trying to get over the shock of it)

Let me explain something here. No one in my 3-D world,  knew about my online blog until this last March. Family. Friends. Kids. The Husband knew I wrote on the Internet, but he didn’t know the address. I promised him a long time ago I wouldn’t write about him~ us~ and if and when I did, I would show him the way. So, until March, No One Was Invited. There was a Do Not Disturb sign on my blog doors to the people I had to look square in the eye. So based on my equally fierce motto of not talking about people unless they get full disclosure first, I simply left him and our relationship out.

Robert has this address now. He has visited the lighthouse O’Rebecca. Thy Husband has given me his blessing to write about him ~ us ~ if I so choose (he must have hit his head, woohoo open season) So, that’s the why, in the why I haven’t gone personal all this time. Up next, anything I damn well feel like because my cat is completely out of the bag. Anonymous is last season and I’m embarking on a new frontier these days.

Really? No, really? Blogs to Books…

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Blog To Book

Blog To Book

I have a daily ritual of slinking around the The New York Times online. This habit gets my head out of Idaho and wrapped around the realities of the rest of the world. It also satisfies my shameless pleasures/needs of reading about Arts, Literature, People and Style. In case you weren’t aware of it, Idaho is extremely sheltered. Bio-dome sheltered. I think they still do background checks at the borders in case an out of stater tries to sneak in and pollute the innocence.

During my rounds this morning I came across this article. Public provides the Giggles; Bloggers get the book deal  …..so of course, being the quote ‘blogger’ that I am, I had to read that one. Honestly, I think the cultural I.Q. points I had just built up by reading about William Yeats dropped to a deficit after reading it’s message.

Basically, the short version, if you come up with an idea that is undeniably silly and basic, and people high-5  it, you can become a sensation. This article talks about the popularity and now book deal, of sending one blogger pictures of your dignity stripped pets dressed up in costumes. Name of the blog- Pets Who Want To Kill Themselves……..Another, by the same theory is —This is why you are fat. (Now, I’ve never, not once in 5 years, slanted negative about another blog on the Internet, and I’m not doing that now. I swear. Huge Kudos’s to the authors of those blogs for achieving the elusive sensation known as Internet phenomenon. I imagine I’d laugh and smile if I visited those sites. However, this entry is about blogs to books)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I think animals dressed up like Tinker bell are funny to look at. I enjoy the pictures where cats use bad spelling and grammer captioned with snarky humor. They make me smile, laugh and I’m not saying they don’t do wonders for the mood of the Internet. I’m down with the funny, I swear.

But, honestly. Is this what people are looking for in their books? This is what tickles the fancy of a fickle public and has agents clamoring for more? Publishing houses are actively seeking this sort of  ‘off the cuff’ and entirely irrelevant material to offer up for book consumption? Really? After I read the article my heart swelled a bit and my mind raced to all the amazing writers of blogs out there….the ones that have also wrote potential books via blood, sweat and tears. Those people, who send queries and partials out, week after week, just praying for one person to take an interest. Those writers/bloggers have been officially trumped by a bacon wrapped Twinkie. There’s something wrong with that picture.

I understand some people may think I’m comparing apples to oranges here. Humor picture books do have their merit. And I suppose there is always room next to the toilet for that sort of  literature book. Maybe I’m a book snob and didn’t even realize it because next to my toilet you’ll find Shakespeare, e.e. cummings and a suduko book. (Sneaky way of introducing the daughters to good reads) The way I see it, one can broaden their mind just about anywhere~~

Maybe what I’m saddened about, is the fact I run across so many incrediable blogs out there. Blogs written, with words, that could easily make the leap from blog to book and sadly they aren’t on the radar. I think when I’m done with this, I need to go do some research. Surely there are blogs that have moved to book based purely on the writing content and I’m just out of the loop. Does anyone know of any? If there are, I’d happily toss good money to the cause.

#BlogFind: Want Humor? With Words?  Nydia is a witty, entertaining writer, I already knew that, but holy hell, her entry about “When Trains Go Bad” had my sides hurting I was laughing so hard. So if you visit, that entry is a MUST read!! Caution: Don’t drink anything while reading about her brush with death~Polymer Clay Snails

Temptations of the Button Kind

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Bee to the Honey

Bee to the Honey

There is a button in my blogs back office that has been enticing me for over a week now. It says —–Upgrade to Atahualpa version 3.3.2 available. Install now—-That would be the template I use to contain all that you see on this page. The Mack Daddy framing, the Democracy that says, widget, you go here, font, you’re this size, pages, hold these words……Atahualpa is the church and pews and fine stained glass windows. I’ve resisted the pressure, so far, but I’m losing will power.

I wasn’t born yesterday, in fact, in light of recent discoveries, it’s apparent I was born 36 yrs, 11 months ago. Hence, I am wise, I am knowledgeable, I get to assume mature and sensible adult caution and know that clicking SOME buttons is tempting fate and all that is natural with the universe.

But I like to click buttons, a lot. I like to test things out and see what happens……usually I can’t resist. I am like like the moth to the flame, the cat to the curiosity and the fish that took the bait. Usually I~ can~ not~ help~ myself! Evidence of this button clicking, adjustment testing, irresistible urge to tamper with things, can be seen on my Twitter account. I’ve hacked and clicked, adjusted and moved so many settings that everything is whacked out and ill-functioning. Now I get to spend 1/2 of my time twittering, another 1/4 of my time in API violation solitude and the other 1/4 of the time staring at a near blank screen with a snide little sentence at the bottom of my screen mocking me with these words. “Status; There is a problem-don’t panic” ~~~ Works like a charm. I go into technology panic.  

One example, of my many forms of technology panic:

  • Computer screen freezes. The user (me) immediately goes for the top left red box with the X in the middle and rapid fire clicks it. I think that if I can just get the one offending and stubborn page off the computer screen life will go cozy and balanced again. click click click click, nothing. Jitters set in and I dive for the bottom bar and right click to close program. Sometimes this appears to work but things hover in no mans land, sometimes the little option won’t even present itself. Technology concrete. This usually will create irrational clicking of the spastic nature. I’ll start clicking anything and everything, thus overloading an already backed up system. At this point in time, turning off the computer won’t even work everything is so constipated.  This system of panic is sort of like taking a laxative and when it hasn’t worked in 1 minute, downing 10 more for good measure. click click click click=eventual nasty overall implosion. The only recourse left is removing the battery pack from laptop and start praying for a miraculous resurrection. Hell must be the destination of anything not saved….

But I still like to click things. There could be a huge RED button that says DO NOT CLICK HERE and it would take the strength of Zeus to pull me away. I’m addicted to tampering with things I have no earthly business engaging in.

Which brings me to the Atahualpa temptation whispering in my ear… Install, upgrade, install, comeon, don’t be afraid, install, push the freaking button, you knowyawanna, Install me…what are waiting for? Version 6.6.6?

So, I am afraid. For once, I am afraid to do an upgrade, click a button, tempt the Gods of Technology. What if I upgrade and I get this :::::FATAL ERROR::::: or all my settings disappear? The truth is, if I didn’t have bad technology luck, I wouldn’t have any at all. So here’s the deal, I don’t know how much longer I can resist pushing the Install now button. So, now you know the details. If you come to visit in the next week and discover a single splash page with this dire message, you’ll know the whole story………

~R.I.P~

Here lies Provocation of Mine (d)

“Like a bee to the honey~Rebecca pushed one too many damn buttons” 

On My Honor

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I have a bit of backlog acknowledgments to mention before I let loose the typing fingers on whatever topic they decide to pound out for the day, which currently, is still undecided (Rebecca, the writer, wake up!) First up~
My site was nominated for The Blogitzer!  I’m trying to stifle the shyness in me and force myself to mention all this, so here we go…*The Blogitzer* and one other nomination, that I’m truly trying to ekk up the courage to place on here. It has the letters H and O plus T followed by Mommies. If you really want to know, you’ll have to click on that badge ( if I’ve done this badge thing correct, you can click on that green box and it will be like a magical carpet ride off to the Bloggers Choice Site, but don’t click yet, I have more to say)……..I’d like to thank @Jtuwliens for this honor. Her description about my site dropped my jaw to the floor and makes me want to read me! I am very honored and extremely grateful. Thank You~ If anyone feels like going there, and voting for Provocation of Mine (d), I thank you as well!

Over the last month several people have mentioned my blog for various Honors. I know I’m quite the slacker in the department about mentioning those personal nods on my blog. To be honest, I’m currently having a heart attack about putting that nomination badge up there, it’s a me thing…..But, I assure everyone it is not because I am un-grateful or there is a lack of appreciation, just the opposite. Humble pie constricts my throat, I smile a lot, but I’m hopelessly bad at taking a compliment. I hope by adding an Honors page at the top of my blog, and always (from now on that is, and as much as I’d love to go back and include all the honors I’ve received over time, I just can’t) including them there, I’m doing right by the people who have done so………Thank you everyone!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday I received an email from someone that has had me thinking a lot about the power of words. (Swallow J, don’t worry, I’m not giving details, on my honor) This email was from someone who read one of my letters to my daughters, about Death and Loss, and he was touched enough to write me an email about how it effected him.

I was moved, for many reasons. Today I see this big picture. A strand of connection that is threaded in and around the choices I make when it comes to words and writing. I’m not just talking about blog writing, although it’s a form of connection I doubt could be rivaled.

I write letters to my daughters, both here on my blog as a series (that’s been neglected), and handwritten ones. I write letters for the snail mail and send them off to friends with the hope that my words touch a persons day unexpectedly. I write short stories and novel length sagas without an ounce of expectation, but I do know someday they will connect one way or another with the universe. I give my life timeline and concrete memories via my blog. Words with purpose, sentences with connection, a paragraph that embraces or makes one laugh. I realized I do need that, I do want that for myself and I do thrive standing in the river surrounded by movement. I realized, in one form or another, words have a current and I am a better, happier, more content person when I share them. My life is also more richer when I actively seek others words and connection. Be it books, letters, blogs, a news article………….

I imagine everyone has a reason for why they write, what they write. Perhaps it’s important to them, ~the why~, perhaps it doesn’t matter in the least. I am prone to navel gazing, so to some degree, purpose for doing things is always on my radar. So today, I’m just finally uncovering the method to the madness. The ying and the yang of why I do what I do. I like knowing purpose and I believe I’m finally closing in on that definition.

~Grace note: Here’s a concept to try out~ As J did for me, write someone an email telling them how much you appreciated something they wrote. You could make their day, their week and bring an unexpected smile to their world~

 

On Being Mom

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~Who's my sweet Geek? Who~

~Proof is in the picture~

Mom 1: Yesterday I wasted better part of an hour trying to change my font size here. In my usual fashion, once I skidded past the point of reasonable patience I started verbally attacking my computer and the Church of WordPress. Since I can be loud during momentary rants of evilness, my youngest daughter Kaitlyn came into my office to investigate. This is how it went down.

Kaitlyn: “Tell me the problem and let me see if I can help you fix it.”

Me: “All right Mizz Smarty Pants. This thing here says my font is 0.8em, but if I move it to 0.9em which seems logical, I hate the way that looks, all wrong. I googled font sizing, but it’s either these ems things which is what wordpress uses, or px size and it’s all in code that I know nothing about. I just want plain old run of the mill size 12 font.”

Kaitlyn, staring intently at the screen of voodoo codes, “Ok, so you want a font size 12, which is actually px, but your system runs off ems. We just need to convert the sizes, it’s a simple mathematical formula Mom.Plus, you have to realize different font families will always exhibit different sizes, so you’ll probably need a nice simple font family like Times Roman”

Me: “Errr, Ummm, well, ya, ok I was getting to that. So, how would you figure out the, what did you say, conversion rate on font size, because that’s exactly what I would do.” (HA, haahahah, sure I would have)

Kaitlyn grabs a scrap of paper, she starts scribbling down numbers and lines and a mix breed of what looks like hieroglyphics’s mixed with my nightmares from school. And suddenly….

Kaitlyn: “Ok, I’ve got it, for every 3 px it equals .25 em. So if you want 12 font it’s a simple 1.0em, if you want to go smaller, like size 11 font, you can go .916em and it should be perfect. Anything else?”  

Me: “Ahhhh, no sweetie, that should do it. Thank you so much. ” And as she walked away I thought to myself, I gave birth to her right? As in, that is my child, of my blood, my genetics. She is my people, but she speaks in alien tongue…………

~~~~~~~~~

Mom 2: Last night. Shelby comes in, beautiful, smiling, a twinkle in her eye. I immediately crouch into protective mode, she wants something, I can feel it in my Mother bones.

Shelby: ”So Mom, I was thinking, I think it would be awesome if I got a lip ring, what do you think?”

Me, careful not to show any quick movements, nor a flicker of horror, and certainly not a gasp of hell NO. I’ve been the Mother of a teen for awhile now, they have tactics, and so do I. These situations become a test of smiles. First person to break rank and glare, huff, puff, grind teeth or roll their eye’s…. loses. ”Oh, wow, you do huh….well that’s an interesting twist in the accessories department.”  

Shelby: “I think so, and it would be pretty, just a small one. Don’t answer now, just think about it and we’ll talk about it tomorrow k, love you. ” And off she bounces………..

So, I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. And this is what my mind sees and then imagines……

~Current Daughter~ Shelby Nov. 2008~

~Current Shelby Nov. 2008~

Current Daughter, Shelby, age 17.

Natural.

Good student.

Gorgeous Smile. Clean lips.

Social Butterfly.

Caring.

Almost to college.

Eager to start life on her own.

And if I start to think, well maybe I could say yes to her request because maybe,… it wouldn’t be the end of the world…….my mind goes HERE………..

~My New Modified Daughter give or take 2 years~

~My New Modified Daughter give or take 2 years~

I can’t help it. I’m a Mom…..our minds go THERE
And there.
And over to that.
And yes, that too……..
I’d bet my Mommy creditials that all parents minds would go there………
Modified over there IS someone’s kid and it started with one!