Evolution of a Personal Blogger
True, I never shared personal relationship status, nor play by play highlights of my comings and goings during the last 5 years of blogging. I had/have my reasons for that, many of them. Regardless of my omissions, for me writing in this dimension always felt like deep personal individual…… anyway.
I never felt like I was holding back key ingredients, or vital information that people would benefit knowing the details. From my perspective, everything was right there within the nouns,verbs and adjectives; sentences filled with personal thought. My moods and struggles, joys and happiness are spread out like a flow chart laced through entry after entry. Perhaps it came across as riddles and mysterious to the eye who wandered upon my pages. I can appreciate that, I designed it.
Tones and Stones that moved from the left to the right. This zone has always acted as my bridge between Lavender Black and fields of contentment. Over the years I have frequently walked between the two places in my mind. I’ve shared the color and texture of the rocks I overturned, but neglected to describe the weight and location. Intentional off center distraction. But this is changing, my direction has shifted…….
In light of my recent blog-blackout, I spent the last two days printing off the entries I hadn’t saved in paper form. (I’m experiencing paranoia) I had a two year catch up and a lofty ink cartridge bill at OfficeMax. The desire to print priceless comments from readers, along with the entry is a pricey one~but worth it~
I was disappointed in myself for letting great lapses in entries occur. I missed a lot of personal history in my neglect. Even so, the evolving evidence of me is still found within my words and for that I was intrigued. Change in it’s subtle evolution is difficult to recognise when our noses are in such close proximity to the reality. I can barely define the incline that got me to this point. I know at times it was steep and overwhelming, while other moments I strolled across even fields. Such is life.
I pictured a year from now. The time when I will look back at what I’ve written for the year and I already know I will see a few defining moments about myself. I will see that in April of 2009 I personally opened the window into my life, with much less smoke screen. I won’t be upset with myself for neglecting my history and I realize today I’ll probably continue past April 30th with near (notice I don’t say positively) daily entries. Printing off my last two years of blogging has me mourning all the days I’ve now lost into unreliable memories.
I’ve always struggled with my motives and purpose for blogging. That fact has always aggitated me. I dislike (hate) not understanding why I do or don’t do certain things. Be it blogging or other life choices. Many people seem confident and purpose filled with their content and roles. I’ve always been the blogger orbiting erratically without a planet to revolve around. But, I think I’m finally circling in on personal purpose. I do need a bit of gravity, not so much that I’m grounded, but enough to keep me focused. I’m gravitating to my role. Maybe in a year from now I’ll be able to define it~
I think that I became a blogger to satisfy my need to share the burdens of my life… there is just too much that can’t be said to people in real life.
kate’s last blog post..against the wind
Honesty? Oh, I’ve given a big chunk of that from time to time…yet kept the deepest buried safely. As long as we’re unveiling our intent – I think in the beginning despite the desperation to be heard, I truly mocked the whole you want to know me thing. So I gave out the ugly bits in abundance and stood back to see how they choked that down. Doesn’t make me seem so nice does it?
Irony? is they still continued to come around. If anything my journal grew (sometimes I think out of bounds). These days I realized I needed to see there was more depth to me on the pages before me. All ugly bits? Not anymore…I’m still working on it though. Explaining the fear of trusting, befriending and realizing the world is far more intrinistic than I ever knew is hard. I’ve spent a lifetime on me/alone. Opening up is allowing oneself to actually grow, not just outward into the world but from within.
We’re both getting there dear friend. This? is a greater depth of who you are, all the gray areas along with the colorful. The pieces all fit beautifully together, wonderfully Rebecca. (Hugs)Indigo
Indigo’s last blog post..Five Years…
Honesty? Oh, I’ve given a big chunk of that from time to time…yet kept the deepest buried safely. As long as we’re unveiling our intent – I think in the beginning despite the desperation to be heard, I truly mocked the whole you want to know me thing. So I gave out the ugly bits in abundance and stood back to see how they choked that down. Doesn’t make me seem so nice does it?
Irony? is they still continued to come around. If anything my journal grew (sometimes I think out of bounds). These days I realized I needed to see there was more depth to me on the pages before me. All ugly bits? Not anymore…I’m still working on it though. Explaining the fear of trusting, befriending and realizing the world is far more intrinistic than I ever knew is hard. I’ve spent a lifetime on me/alone. Opening up is allowing oneself to actually grow, not just outward into the world but from within.
We’re both getting there dear friend. This? is a greater depth of who you are, all the gray areas along with the colorful. The pieces all fit beautifully together, wonderfully Rebecca. (Hugs)Indigo
Ugh forgive the double commentary. I’ve been exploring how far a reach my laptop has without paying a hefty monthly sum to use it outside. So far either I’m enclosed within the confines of my home getting whiter by the moment or I’m dishing out money for a booster for the Wifi. At this point I’m utterly heartsick about spending another dime on anything techno. (Hugs) Indy
Indigo’s last blog post..Five Years…
I’m also not one for sharing deeply personal or intimate details, although I’ve done so on rare occasions. I’m just not built that way, and neither is my family. We’re a closemouthed bunch…you’d fit right in!
If you figure out why you blog, maybe you can let me in on your insight. I haven’t quite figured out why I do…I find it enjoyable, and sometimes that’s enough for me.
Beth’s last blog post..The conscience of a nation
It’s interesting because there’s a trend (including with my own writing) with people to keep a distance with their blogging, mostly through humor. But occasionally, serious insight and deep emotion break through. I like that juxtaposition. Like a well written character, development is much better shown than explained.
Nice post, Rebecca.
Paul’s last blog post..New story…
I have printed some of my blog entries, but I’ve never thought about printing the comments! I’m so glad you mentioned that. I hope you continue to grow and can define yourself, if that is what you desire. I also hope the journey takes you to places you never expected.
Momo Fali’s last blog post..To Infinity and Beyond
Does anyone every share personal information to benefit anyone else? The only purpose is to increase a sense of intimacy, so you both benefit from the feeling of closeness that results. It’s no different from the progression of any kind friendship.
It seems to me that you fear an ersatz intimacy, a sense of appearing to open up while you in fact knowing that you are holding back, and then wondering if that makes you a phony.
Don’t worry so much! You get to let us know what you feel comfortable letting us know. You also get to keep some of your mystery. No one is going to take advantage of you letting down some of the wall, either. (Although one day you’ll get a spam/stalker/commenter and that won’t be about you. It happens to everyone.)
For me, blogging is part of the search for authenticity. That doesn’t mean I have to reveal every nook and cranny, just that what I do reveal is a true expression of myself. But no one is questioning your motives. Why should you?
Marc’s last blog post..Poor But Rich
I think you started blogging to save me. Maybe that sounds ridiculous of me but I firmly believe you started blogging to help and save me, and many others. I’ve been reading you a long time, since way back into AOHELL days, thanks to Jodi. But I think you were the best thing that’s happened to me while blogging, and I am blessed to know you. Thank you for blogging, and I can’t wait to see us both evolve into so much more!
Heather’s last blog post..Update and Top Tens
I also do not share deeply personal details on my blog, mostly out of respect to my husband and family; however I am considering the start of another blog under a psuedonym where I might write more freely. Another blogger gave me this cool site where you can print your blog to a book so that you can have it a nice bound version: http://blog2print.sharedbook.com/blogworld/printmyblog/index.html
Andi’s last blog post..Sashimi Stasis and Facebook Etiquette
I came real close to doing an entry about my wife, her yearly trip with her best friend and how much she means to me but….I am not quite that bold. I am glad you have opened up.
David’s last blog post..More Springtime in the Rockies
I began blogging after discovering a blog written in 2003 (yeah, when it was just becoming popular!)about a young woman taking care of her dying elderly father. She completely put herself and her daily life out there and it was a lifesaver to me at the time as I was in the same position with both parents. I blog as a form of healing for myself and in the hope that it will help another person in some way. I plan to write a book about my life in the future but for now, because I want to write my way, I only put my real first name out there…
Nyree’s last blog post..Wonderful Writing Worries…
There is a time and a place and a purpose for all things, in my humble opinion. I’ve barely uttered a word over the past year and yet more has happened to and for me in my private life than ever. Words are precious. Any time we can give breath to memories and events, be it through words or photographs or what have you, it becomes a treasure. It’s no wonder that you went into a bit of a panic over the possibility of losing all this… Your words are precious, as are the reasons behind them and the events which give them meaning.
I printed “Reflections” as soon as i found out about the switch from AOhell. I completely flipped my lid thinking it might somehow disappear.
::hug::
chelle
Great post! It’s interesting…my main blog was created as a forum for my essays–all nostalgic, all love letters to myself pretty much. Well, in that self-deprecating way. Yet, I am also fiercely private. I never use real names, and although my works are all recollections of my life–I also don’t give away too much. In my mind, anyway. You know, you’re a brilliant writer…my advice is don’t pressure yourself too much to define your role. The beauty of writing is that it’s an art. The beauty of art is that it is a reflection of the soul. The beauty of the soul is that it is constantly evolving. The writer you are today will be different from the writer you are tomorrow…it’s just the ebb and flow of life.
KiKi’s last blog post..Band Geek.
Ah yes, why indeed do we blog?
I think part of it relates maybe to the comment you left on one of my recent entries – that what you fear are those that don’t ask ‘why?’ – particularly because much of your writing is a quest for an answer to your own ‘why.’
Personal, professional, family, pleasure, all those ideas and words so particularly crafted to reveal just enough to challenge your own answer for why?
Charley’s last blog post..What vitamin are you?