Seventeen
My eldest daughter turned 17 years old today and I have to admit, this birthday has given me a brick in the stomach feeling. If anyone wants to feel the full effects of the clock of life spinning wildly at warp speed, they only need to have a child.
Since I’m only 36 (for three more months), one can do the math and see I welcomed my sweet daughter into this world when I was only 19 years old myself. I look at her and can’t imagine her having a child of her own 2 years from now. The heart attack I must have given my own Mother!
I wasn’t married when I discovered I was pregnant with Shelby. In fact, the only reason it occurred to me something was amiss was the fact my favorite Guess jeans, size 3, wouldn’t button up. I was clueless, and honestly, not in a good place when I made my jeans/baby discovery. At the time, I was a poster child for alcohol and drug abuse. I was also a high school drop out (substance abuse and school don’t combine well) and living in a world that revolved around me, myself and I. (and yes, I fixed the education issue)
Shelby doesn’t know those things about me. Most people don’t to be honest, it isn’t the sort of thing one broadcasts for table chatter. She doesn’t know that the moment I found out I was pregnant I decided to live and hide sheltered at my parents house. That I shunned every single friend I had at the time. ( I knew I couldn’t be around them and do right by my baby) She doesn’t know I quit all the things that were bad for me in a split second and prayed to a God and everyone that the things I had done before I discovered her presence hadn’t damaged her in what should be her safe haven, my womb.
She does know she was supposed to be a twin, but that little baby didn’t make it past 3 months inside me. Somehow, Shelby held on and I will always wonder if the things I had done when the both of them were only weeks old inside me was the miscarriage factor. But I’ve gone on to lose several more babies that way over the years, so who’s to say……..
I don’t credit my daughter with turning my life around. Was becoming pregnant a factor? Of course, but it was a choice I made on my own, for myself, and for her. I was rather tired by the time I found out about her, the life I was immersed in can wear a mind and body down. But I had many choices at the time. Adoption. Abortion. Continue on my merry way of the fast lane dragging a baby along, or cease and halt all activities and focus on myself and my child. I choose the last option. I’ve witnessed many others in the same situation make different choices. To each their own.
Since the hells of my prior years were so fresh and still touchable in my mind, one of the first things I explained to my newborn daughter was, “you and I, we are going to be just fine. And know this, you are officially in anti-teenage hell training as of right now.” My Mother laughed when I said it to that little hours old baby. But I was dead serious.
17 years later, my daughter is just fine, better then fine. She is amazing and I couldn’t be more proud. Of her, and of myself……….
YESSSSSssssss
Back in Business.
I hereby swear. I’m not downloading anything, no matter how fancy, how cool, how fantastic it looks.
Thy Tech world can kiss my ass.
She’s beautiful…hope she has a wonderful birthday!!!
Happy Birthday Shelby! I’ve had some heart in your throat moments with Skye. At the end of the day she is definitely not me (at least not the me, I used to be *raises eyebrow* No, I’m not attempting a country ballad here). I do believe we can both breathe a sign of relief. She’s beautiful and looks alot like her Mom.
Thanks for sharing the not so well known version of how she came to be. Skye’s coming for a quick visit. I’ll try to email a picture of her at Shelby’s age to you later. I can’t believe there is only 3 years between our daughters. Wow….(Hugs)Indigo
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She looks stunning just like her mother, I’m glad you were able to turn your life around and make it better for both of you. It looks like you did a great job
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Thanks for sharing. Wow she looks like a clone of you.
She’s a beautiful young woman. Clearly takes after her mama. The strength of will required to turn one’s life around in that manner is significant. I know she has inherited all the necessary tools to do whatever she wants to do.
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Wow. Gut-wrenching entry – thanks for your candor & for sharing. And very, very happy wishes to you and Shelby.
Mitzi’s last blog post..MyFengShuiLife: RT @webaddict: LMAO!! RT @leebo1010 The Truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. ~Gloria Steinem #quotes
Happy birthday Shelby. And, congratulations, for so many things and so many reasons, Rebecca.
Isn’t it amazing how life works out sometimes? Now, let’s talk about colleges, driving, voting, driving, heartbreak, and happiness…. Oh, and driving.
Wishing Shelby a very very happy birthday! And congratulations to her Mom for doing things so well, despite a rocky start.
Hugs, Beth
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Sounds like you did a great job with your daughter, I am sure it will be hard to step back as she spreads her wings and flys
)
Ah, chemically enhanced teen years. It wasn’t the road I picked but it had a weary familiarity with my friends. If I were you(don’t you hate when people say that?), I’d stop thinking right now about the wrongs your “ways” could have visited upon your daughter’s twin. When I worked ob-gyn I was astounded that very thing did not happen more often. I thought there would be a skyrocket miscarry rate with abusers, not so. But the high rate went to deformity not to miscarriage. And Shelby looks fairly perfect in that picture
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You, drop-out, not austere academic?
Looking at the picture, I can see her in Pucci heels holding a Judith Leiber purse. No, wait, maybe that is me…..
She is gorgeous.~Mary
Mary’s last blog post..God doesn’t like that, and other comments.
Take a bow!
Better yet take a seat…she’s on her way.
Beautiful and full of “IT” and all she knows from wisdom that comes from mom and she hasn’t a clue as yet.
Beautiful young women…how lucky are you!?!
I get tearful when I see the time has passed so quickly, the truth is their smile and you will always look for that as only a mom can do.
Happy Birthday wishes for Selby and for Rebecca many blessing ahead in time.
Love TJ
Wishing you health, Happiness and much Laughter
[ Paisleyskys ]
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She’s beautiful and looks just like her Mom — who also happens to be beautiful ;p
So glad I can now drop my Happy Birthday to Shelby here. It’s a little more permanent than Twitter. LOL! So, Happy Birthday, Shelby!
Glad you got all of that 404 stuff worked out. Having to figure all of that stuff out is what keeps me on Blogger.
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Happy Birthday to Shelby. Thanks for sharing that very personal portion of your life. She’s beautiful and has the looks of her Mom.
Wow, she looks so much like you!
Alexandria is almost 22, Brett will be 21 this November. If I played “When I was their age” I’d drive myself nuts:)
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Rebecca, wow, this is so cool. you supported me today via twitter on my client consult, and followed up with me tonite, so kindly. i decided I had to read a bit; I think I visited here earlier this week but this post was so so so surreal; I also struggled with the drink and the gongi (he he). That was a long time ago. My path was different and I stopped because I have no moderation when it comes to things party substance–that was almost 23 years ago.
My babes came later, much later—you have so much ahead of you; your girl, she is so pretty and I am sure more amazing—my love for my kids is beyond; I love what you said to her in her first hours; but it is how you lived that has helped her the most.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this; I am a new blogger and hope I can learn to be this real in that land.
Peace
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wow, Rebecca. I’ve known you for almost 5 years, and I didn’t know that about you. I knew you loved your daughters– I got that right away. But I had no idea you had a daughter that was 17 years old! She is GORGEOUS. You should be proud of her, and of yourself, for making choices a lot of others couldn’t make.
I am so blessed to have you as my friend.
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What a beautiful girl she is. I had my first baby at 19 as well. I had my fourth child when I was 24. When I look back on it, I didn’t know much about having babies and children, but somehow we got through it and they all turned out ok, so I must have done something right!!
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Congratulations — to BOTH of you.
It’s amazing what a person CAN do, when really determined. Someday, you’ll both meet her twin and know, but forgive yourself (and re-read what Mary wrote). You must be so proud, and rightly so, yes, of you both:) Enjoy.
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Happy birthday to her! What a wonderful story. You’ve really turned your life around!
Beautiful. Happy Birthday to her and what a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing.
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Couple of things for my first visit to your blog…
You are beautiful and so is your darling daughter! So is your writing. I feel like I’ve found a gem of a blog here.
I’ve had a bit of a substance filled past, as well as one very fresh bad life decision. I used to think that I’d tell my daughters every single last detail, but I’m starting to rethink that now, not just because of this, but do they really need to be offered everything? I don’t know.
Anyway, I’m SO glad to have finally made it over. Thanks for all of your sweet comments as of late. I’m subscribed and look forward to returning.
How touching! I think that was very brave of you, and you’re totally right to be proud of yourself. Plus she’s gorgeous!
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your daughter is beautiful and happy belated birthday to her. I love your post and how well its written .
Nice writing style. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Wow. Your story truly touched me because it is so similar to my own. I must be following your footsteps because that’s exactly what happened to me. My daughter is no where near 17 yet (she’s 4 now) but I believe I’ll be reflecting on very similar thoughts and memories when she turns 17. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for sharing this. Hope she had a wonderful birthday.
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