Oh Sweet Memories
Shelby, ” Mom, please don’t talk, gasp, groan, cry out or exhale loudly and please turn your cell phone off”
Mamma Me, ” I swear, you won’t hear a peep outta me. I pledge a vow of silence”
Shelby, “In fact, make sure you sit behind my seat, not behind the Driving Test guy. That way I won’t even see a fraction of your face. I’m sooooo nervous and you make it a thousand times worse” (she’s nervous?? I took a Valium before we left the house)
We arrive for the official Driving Test, so that my daughter can pass with flying colors and be a driver licenced card carrying citizen.
Drivers Test Dude, “Ok, we are going to pull out of the parking lot. You’re going to look to your left to check for traffic, and then turn right.”
I have hunkered down in the backseat of my car directly behind Shelby. I have buckled up, and although I’ve taken a vow of silence for the duration of this 20 minute driving test, I chant a few Hail Mary’s (there’s no rule that states you must be Catholic to borrow a fantastic notion, right?) I’m worried before we even leave the parking lot. Shelby, who bless her sweet soul, can be extremely nervous when she’s doing something uncomfortable. She wrings her hands and fidgets, she becomes painfully quiet and bites her bottom lip. She’s been doing that for over an hour prior to showing up to take the drivers test. At this point in time I can feel the nerves vibrating off her like the string on a guitar being played by a 8o’s heavy metal rockstar.
She eases the car out of the parking lot and starts to turn left…
Driver test Dude, “Stop, stop,” (might as well have been a cops siren)
Shelby slams the break which lurches all three of us forward, not enough to cause whiplash, but enough that Test Dudes clipboard goes flying off his lap. I immediately slink a little lower in my seat and cast my eye’s to the floorboards. Vow of silence has not been broken, score one for the Mother, but I’m incredibly worried about my kid now. If she had any nerves left, I’m pretty certain they just short circuited.
Test Dude, sorta calmly, ”I said, look to your left and turn right. Now, put the car in reverse, back up, then lets try that again and turn right.”
So this is what I know, and during moments when your life suddenly passes before your eye’s, things can get distorted, but I shall try here. Shelby put my car into reverse, she lightly put the gas on and started to back up. All systems go. At that point in time I was still looking at my floorboards thinking I should have them shampooed and I remember the Dude saying, “Stop now.” ( so this is my guess, she was already panicked/jumpy about the first stop, so when he did that, she went to slam the break again, but instead slammed the gas)
So suddenly, there was a reverse acceleration at a G-force rate of speed backwards into the parking lot. If anyone has ever wondered…. if that whole exorcist head turning on it’s spine in a 180 degree maneuver is possible, I’m here to say, it is. I don’t think my body moved, but my head spun around to guesstimate what she was going to total my sweet sports car into. My fingers made permanent indentation’s into the leather seats, but by God, I didn’t scream out “OHHH FUCK” or “GOODBYE LIFE” or anything at all! (score two) But Holy Hell, Drivers Test Guy made up for my mandatory silence. He started screaming, “BREAK BREAK BREAK STOP BREAK STOP.” I imagine his foot was flailing for the emergency foot break on the right side of the car, but since they make these kids take the test in their parents car, no dice for him.
With inches (seriously, teenie tiny inches, all I could see out the back window was looming tailgate) to spare, Shelby stopped the car before plowing into the back of a parked pickup truck. We then had 3 seconds of painful silence broken only by Freaked Out Driver Test Dude pulling the emergency break (a little late), unlocking his seat belt and flinging his door open so he could make a dive for it in case the car became possessed again. And my poor Shelby. She was slumped over the steering wheel and I could see her little shoulders moving up and down, hair cloaking her face. I had no idea what would happen next and the silence was killing me.
Drivers Test Dude with a Heart to my silent crying daughter, “Would you like a tissue?”
Believe it or not, after 10 minutes of soul searching, in car therapy and a reassuring hand from the back seat on her shoulder. Shelby was able to finally pull out of the parking lot and ace the actual driving test. She lived. I lived. Test Dude lived and my car lived.
No innocent bystanders (THANK GAWD) were harmed in the making of this infamous Mommyhood memory.
My son failed the first time around, although it wasn’t nearly as traumatic as your story! It was a slight parallel parking faux pas, and I do mean slight. His Driver’s Test Dude showed no mercy. I felt bad for my “baby,” but glad I’d have a few more weeks of sleeping through the night. He’s been driving for about nine months now, and I’m happy to report he’s doing pretty well. But the butterflies still visit me from time to time as he backs out of the driveway…
Debbie’s last blog post..Snail Mail Query Time
That story was almost heartbraking. (Notice the intentional reverse mispelling.)
I can’t believe they let mothers in the car in your state!
But that was truly adorable. Bravo for Shelby. So nice to get a glimpse of you in the real world.
Marc’s last blog post..Annie Ferran Chabal, 1922-2009
(Trying like hell to stifle the laughter that is threatening to burst forth at any given moment, gasps for air and tries to make a civilized comment) Ahh, Yes…I know…I know it wasn’t that funny. Holy mother (it’s your fault I started saying that) I could just imagine this. I do remember the fire hydrant incident and your poor BMW. This is definitely one for the books. Congratulations to Shelby for passing on her first attempt. Skye had to take the test 7 times total. The last she literally went out of state to PA to pass. Paul can attest to all the times he thought he swallowed his heart and had it evacuate from his ass teaching Skye to drive. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so pasty white in my life. You can breathe now Mom *winks*. (Hugs)Indigo
Indigo’s last blog post..Pages Blown in the Wind…
I am so laughing!!!
Nodding my head up and down and a chuckle here and there.
Son had his big fat plastic card stating he was able to solo…got a call at work his first day with the car on his lunch hour. Smash into a boulder, into a undrivable state in a VERY religous mans yard. This man guided us to come in side, hold hands and pray for his [wicked son] abilities…son kept looking at me with “oh God” looks and I kept making him put his head down with that look only a mom can give.
We have called this boulder the St Rock of F***Up every since…youngest son managed to make the corner with out any problems.
Thanks for the poke to a memory..TJ
TJ’s last blog post..Now that is just…
Wow! I’m surprised he even got back in the car. In Ontario, he would have told her to come back after a few months more practice. That kind of nervousness kills people. You’re lucky she didn’t slam into a car in the parking lot.
Paul’s last blog post..The ABCs of Curling – J
Ohhh, laughing…yes, but with compassion. Poor Shelby, and GOOD FOR HER for pulling it together and getting her license!
B.
Beth’s last blog post..Off-topic? Try BFE!
I know I shouldn’t laugh, but it is the teeniest bit funny. Congrats to your daughter for aceing the test…hopefully she will get more comfortable soon!
~K
OMG I am so not looking forward to my kids driving!
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Rebecca, you had me going. I am so so proud of you. I hope I can have the same mommy restraint that you showed. I realize more and more that my love for my children and my husband doesn’t always feel so much like that to them—you did very well and I am proud of you and happy for her.
thank you, I have begun to look forward to your posts and check for them, even prior to getting my subscribing email
smile,
jana
jana’s last blog post..Amore visivo, Antonio Marras
I was nervous reading this. My niece just passed her this month. I am so NOT ready for this.
Congrats to her……. ACK!
Robin’s last blog post..Weekend: Part 1: Big Show, et al
My heart was in my throat reading that. I am so glad she passed.
I am not looking forward to this with my little ones. Thankfully it is a few years away for us.
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Hi Rebecca,
Thanks for stopping over at my blog.
Congrats to your daughter. Her test driver was so sympathetic and sweet. I’m glad he understood that she was just nervous and let her try again.
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Hi Rebecca
I laughed so hard with this post. I had a late start with motherhood, I am miles away from this. However, I recalled when I was learning how to drive. I once had the car in reverse and backed into a fence. So my parents decided to have me hired a driving school to teach me how to drive. The first day of driving with the teacher I was so bad that the teach was fear for his live and he kept screaming pullover.
One day it will be son’s turn.
Thank you,
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Giovanna Garcia’s last blog post..Sylvester Stallone would do Rocky for free.
Aww, poor Shelby! I’m so happy for her though! She has her license! She passed! WOOOOT!
And you lived through it! Now you just have to live through her driving around without you! HAH!
Heather’s last blog post..Dark & Twisty
Although there were stains that had to be steam cleaned from the seat Driver Test Dude had been sitting in;)
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Rebecca,
I’m ROFL! I have two sons and have lived through the driving test. I tip my hat to you. We’ll keep our eyes and ears open when we drive through Boise in July.
Smiles,
David
Oh gosh Rebecca, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! Poor Shelby, but at least she passed the test! Whew!! How many more grey hairs did it cost? lol
Marie’s last blog post..I got to be me . . .
Awwwe, poor Shelby…. I am glad that things worked out. I know that I was so very nervous when I took my driver’s test… And I did not have my m other in the car with me, cause I would have killed her!!
I hear stories like this from friends with children and I used to say: Don’t be prey to irrational fears.
And they always responded: YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. SHUT UP.
So now I shut up
.
~Mary
Mary’s last blog post..Conversations with a (hot) butler
[...] folks, after getting another months worth of supervised driving practise from yours truly, ( I felt she needed it after this episode ) Shelby passed her written test yesterday and has become an official independent driver of the [...]