D-Rated Moment
I am, just a Mother after all. Occasionally we Mothers make innocent mistakes and yesterday proved that undeniable fact.
Now, before I admit this stumble in judgement, let me just say—I rarely watch television. I also don’t go to movies and therefore, don’t watch previews. Because of this lack of interest, I usually don’t read or pay attention to reviews of movies either. Lastly, NO, I have never embraced my inner geek and read comic strips, books, or graphic anything. All clear on that?? Basically, this falls under the ignorance was bliss catagory~
My 13 year old daughter, (although, she’s saying “Fourteen Mom!” since she turns that magical number next Monday), mentioned she would like to see the movie Watchmen. I asked her, “what’s it about sweetie?” to which she replied, “I don’t know, it’s one of those comic book turned superhero movies.” Images of Spiderman, Batman and Superman danced across my mind…..so why not Watchmen? I made the call to let my parents know their granddaughter would love to go see the movie Watchmen. The three of them are movie buddies and go often enough to get free this and free that from using their Regal Entertainment cards, so this wasn’t exactly an unusual request in the family dynamics.
Yesterday afternoon I got a call from my Dad. “I was just looking at the times for the movie. Did you know this movie is R-rated and it says ID required?” I immediately asked my 17 year what was up with the R-rating and Shelby said, “Oh don’t worry about it, if Kaitlyn is with an adult she can get right in.” Great! Problem solved. No fake ID needed.
And now, today, I realize not one of us asked the most basic of questions. WHY is it R-rated….Superman, Spiderman, WatchmAn?….Mother stumble…Fast Forward 6 hours.
The phone call I shall never forget.
My Mother, calling me. As much as I’d like to dialogue the entire conversation I won’t even try. My rock solid and normally calm Mother, who NEVER says bad words or cusses, (ever) was on a rip rolling rant. I’m pretty sure I didn’t say much other then, “OH” and “OHHHH sorry!” but the highlights of this one sided conversation are just too good to lay to rest. The most important heart stopping moments of my Mothers rant are as follows……..
-
- Naked through the whole damn movie
- Grandparents (good god grandparents!!) taking a 14 year old into a movie like that!
- What those other people in that theater must have been thinking of us!
- Dick swinging here. Swinging dick there (All I could think was, oh my god, my Mother said, dick)
- Semi-erect and hard ons
- Almost human but no doubts what IT was
- I will never, ever, trust you and your Father to pick a movie again
- 3 long painful hours of Porno
- long dongs and asses ( I’m fairly certain hell hath frozen over now)
- Grandparents! Child! Mortified!
Now, I’m sure some people are wondering here why they didn’t just get up and leave. So, to answer that question one would need to fully understand my Father. He is the man that does not waste a penny, extraordinary circumstances be damned. A notorious penny pincher who will cling to his monetary investments to the bitter end. When it comes to movies, there is only one retreat on record. An infamous and historical moment when he thought he was taking his young children and sweet wife to the drive in movie theater to see Flash Gorden. Quality Family Time.
However, as evidenced by the rocket ship in the first scene that was shaped like a penis, it was actually Flesh Gorden. An interesting porno twist on his beloved action hero. Truth be told, he didn’t want to abandon that ship either. He paid good money! But my brother and I wanted to see what all the panic and hoopla in the front seat was about because, well… parental panic makes things tempting and exciting. We became difficult kiddoes who refused to lay down and go to sleep.
It wasn’t an instant retreat and surrender. My Dad put in a good effort to save his investment by trying to corral and push our heads below the car seats and out of sight of the movie. But, if he got one of our heads pushed down, the other kid would pop up just out of reach. It was like a game of Whack ‘Em with our little mole heads popping up here and there. Jolly good fun for my brother and I if you think about it. Our first porno flick with a side of carnival games! He gave up eventually, replaced his speaker phone on the pole and drove away, a man ripped off from his money. Father Dan does not like to waste his money under any circumstance……..
So, currently both my Father and I are lacking one side of our asses, and we both get a black mark for not investigating the movie and it’s R-rating thoroughly. Now that my Mother has access to this website I figure I’m taking my life into my own hands by writing this. So, my darling Mother, I’m really hoping you’ll see the after the fact humor in all this…..now……(smile!)
By the Way, under the guise of damage control and to guesstimate possible permanent damage, I asked Kaitlyn what she thought of the movie. She said, “It was a nice idea and (long pause) interesting.”
ohh nooo, that’s hilarious and awful at the same time! i’ve read the book and knew what to expect in terms of nudity and violence, and it was even a little gratuitous for me!
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Tragically funny
)
HA HA HA HA. If only you had conversed with me beforehand, you would have known this. I have not seen the movie, but everyone I know that has, said it was completely over the top and a complete disappointment, and way to “in your face” with the big blue penis that showed the whole time.
Guess this was one of the “learn the hard way” moments, huh?
<—snickering
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Priceless…wow, sounds like some movie. I had no idea…esp. from the previews. Then again, I’m sure they couldn’t really advertise all that on regular tv now could they?!?
TDF (too damn funny!). I’m surprised your mom didn’t grab said grandchild and tell dear, old dad they’d be waiting in the movie “courtyard” eating popcorn and looking at movie posters. I’m sure your wonderful, albeit, slightly less innocent, daughter will survive intact. And it will be one of those great mother/daughter/grandmother things you’ll always have to share.;-)
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I was cracking up over this, and when Ken asked, “What?” I said, “Rebecca’s entry about Watchmen.” He laughed, too, and said, “Are there really swinging dicks in that movie?” I guess that was what really got me on this one…your Mom saying “swinging dicks.” OH man…whew! [still giggling]
I AM sorry that it was such a bad experience for your Mom. Someday you’ll look back on this and laugh! Right? I hope?
I’ve never read the graphic novel, but in hearing a little about the movie on NPR, I have to say that the concept is intriguing. An alternate reality, where Nixon is in his sixth term as President.
That would be…DICK Nixon.
Hahahahaha! I’m sorry…this has just sent me into a giggle fit!
Hugs, Beth
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I’m sorry you got in trouble, but the Flesh Gordon story has me cracking up!
I am assuming that there was NOT a character named Dick that was Tarzan like and swung here and there…….
Sorry but damn this is funny! I am grinning like a fool right now.
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OMG…I have to admit that as soon as I read the title of the movie I thought…oh no she didn’t….but yes, you did and at that, I had a very good laugh.
hahaha
My hubs went to see it (he is very much a comic and movie kind of guy) and even he came home saying “good thing you didn’t go honey, definitely over the top and not your kind of movie.” But we moms, we must try and fail sometimes, we’re only human right???
~K
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I haven’t seen this yet, but yeah. The hubby did. And um yeah… HAHAHAHAHA!!
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Rebecca Anne – I sent the Proximidade award your way… =)
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The whole time I’m reading this I’m thinking, and she just introduced her parents to this lovely blog—describing your dear mother with rant this and rant that
You really do crack me up and this is hi frickin larious. The no fake idea being the focus of your attention versus the point behind the rating—priceless. I get to kick it in the best way here, pls write daily 
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YOU are out of the will.
I’d tell you all sorts of moral strictures about parenting and all, but who really wants to hear that from a childless Atheist who listens to Marilyn Manson all the time?
~Mary
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Oh that is just to funny.
Truely funny, like belly roll laughing!
I love teenagers they make life so interesting!
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What an incredibly funny story. You had me almost LOL there. Your family, especially your dad and daughter, are so adorable. I too, experienced something similar when I took my little cousins to watch ‘Bad Santa’ for Christmas, although it was nowhere remotely close to your father’s experience.
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What an incredibly funny story. You had me almost LOL there. Your family, especially your dad and daughter, are so adorable. I too, experienced something similar when I took my little cousins to watch ‘Bad Santa’ for Christmas, although it was nowhere remotely close to your father’s experience.
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This had me rolling. Loved it.
I loved your mother’s rant. Still laughing.
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Reading the Watchmen story, and then reading the Flesh Gordon story, I could only think, “like father, like daughter.” If only you (both of you) had asked the right questions…
I’m also really having fun imagining the discussions currently going on between two sisters right now.
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LOL. Hey it was probably worth the admission just to watch them react to the movie.
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I’d be mortified. But, that is funny.
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Ha! At least you got a good story out of it.
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Loved the Flesh Gordan story. True Story: Several roommates and I way back in the late 80′s went to the video store to rent movies for an at-home movie night. Someone got the Flesh Gordan thinking it was Flash. Back then the rental VCRs (yep, dating myself) came in black plastic boxes and the tapes only had a little graphic with the name of the movie, but no pictures. Imagine our surprise when he popped it into the player. Still, we were all in our 20′s, so we actually watched it LOL! I think that was the only ‘porno’ movie I ever actually liked. It was funny, especially the ‘peniosauruses’ ;p
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Oh, I forgot to mention, but I think my favorite part of the story is that they actually stayed and watched the movie. Your Dad rocks and I’ll bet your Mom eventually forgives both of you.
OMG. I could tell almost the SAME story…except it was ME who took my 10 YO daughter to see Mr. Giant Blue Phallic Man. Holy ****. I just about died through the whole movie. Torn between thinking, “Good grief, what is she thinking about this?” and pondering, “Holy moly…he’s like…like…WHEW…is it HOT in this theater or what?”
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LMAO – and fortunately I still have both sides of mine left. OMG springs to mind.
I’m sure your mom will eventually forgive you – you will, Rebecca’s Mom, won’t you?!
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I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but I am. The description of how she viewed the movie as “three hours of porno” and d— swinging here and there…” Oh my God. That made my day.
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I keep laughing at this post…
btw, pop over to my bloggy, I mentioned you today.
http://www.banteringblonde.com
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